to my taylor alison, i am writing this to tell you that i love you. i know that i probably don't tell you this as much as i should, probably just because i don't think about it. not because i don't feel it, but because i'm not really the type of guy who can sit down and talk about feelings without getting skived out about the whole thing. i don't know why. i know that you're good at this type of thing; you wear your heart close to your sleeve and have a way with words to back all that up. i'm always impressed by that, and in some ways i envy it. don't be expecting this to come close to the levels of leap then crash - that ain't even my intentions. i was just thinking about you, and wanted to find a way to let you know that i was. i still remember those days with you on set back shooting the hannah montana movie when i would go out of my way to avoid you when i could because i was that dang nervous to meet you. if i could go back in time, i would slap myself upside the head for this. idiot behavior aside, once pete and miley ray finally insisted that i stop being such a wuss and just go up to you...i don't know. this is one of those times i wish i could write things like you. i could tell even then that you had a special manner about you because you didn't roll your eyes as i stammered out a greeting and you continue to not roll your eyes all the times i have managed to stammer in front of you thereafter. i thank you kindly for that. we're a year and a half away from that meeting and i haven't really lost that initial desire to just impress you. back then it was termed starstruck and i think now we've graduated to lovestruck. you never stopped being my crush. your hair still catches sunlight like a dreamcatcher. and you can't ever keep your fingernails in any kind of shape but it's only because you work so hard. and maybe the reason i get so stuck on your eyes is because they're so intense that i always feel like you're really looking at me when i see them. i love that you proclaim yourself a nerd and that you secretly get excited to score band camp tees. that you can make fun of yourself and keep a sharp wit about others. (car keys still at the ready, mr. west.) that you do everything and anything for your friends. that you have never spoken an ill word about nobody who didn't deserve it, and that you go out of your way to kill with kindness. i love seeing girls who look up to you approach you and tell you how much you're doing for them. i like that you don't just brush that off. you couldn't if you tried. i love that things like that still mean the world to you. i love that you ask me to speak german to you and don't mind if i wander off for a few hours (just a few) to play left 4 dead. i love that somewhere in your possession, you still got a copy of call of duty. i would be here a real long time if i went on. you deserve to know how beautiful and talented i think you are. you make me happy on those days when i want to punch a wall or a puppy, and every day i think less about me and more about us. i feel lucky to just know you. no matter who says what, i'm here for you and with you. from now on. and that is just a fact. i was watching a civil war documentary earlier that mentioned a soldier named sullivan ballou. he wrote an epic letter to his wife a week before he was killed in the battle of bull run. i don't want to be dead before you find out how i feel about you. that's why i'm telling you now. you really make the 'friend' portion in 'girlfriend' shine through like a thousand stars, and i'm hoping this gets the point across though it isn't quite love story. i think for me, this'll do. not going off to war but still feeling an urgent need to tell you all this sap, lucas william