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[22 Apr 2008|06:12pm] |
Okay, so it's my birthday and I've gotten more attention today than ever before.
But that doesn't make up for why I've been sitting here for an hour and a half, staring at my computer. I came back two minutes after. TWO MINUTES. I was watching tv by myself in the living room. I WASN'T CELEBRATING. So after talking to people on the phone, I've been crying. Why am I crying? I don't know.
There's nothing good to throw.
So I punched my desk a few times. My knuckles are red.
Out of all the days that I obsessively come back to my computer to see if people IM me while I'm watching tv, and checking during commercial breaks, why did this day have to be different. Why didn't I get my ass up and check?
My mom was right. I'm lonely with no friends. This is why I'm crying. This is why I'm desperate for them to sign back on.
I am pathetic.
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[02 Apr 2008|03:45pm] |
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"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them–words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie to close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."
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[27 Mar 2008|05:25am] |
"You know that old party game, "Who Am I This Time?" Or that nursery rhyme about a doctor, lawyer, baker. Whatever. People tend to get identified by what kind of hat they wear during the day. By what is visible, noticeable, obvious about them. So if you've got one arm or get around in a wheelchair or are blind, you're a handicapped person. Maybe you're also a poet or a scholar, a sinner, or a saint. But first and foremost in people's minds, you're handicapped. Not a lot you can do about it, either."
When I was cleaning out my desk for the things that I didn't need I came across a folder full of things from my 8th grade English class. There was an assignment that I had to do which was basically reading a book and then filling out a worksheet with whatever, etc. I had to choose a favorite quote and that's the one that I chose. Book 40. I had also given an explanation of why I liked it and, of course, my teacher thought it was so ~profound~ because I said something along the lines that people's eyes are handicapped because they can't see within someone else, only the outer appearance. Seriously, she wrote 'WOW!!!!' and underlined it many times.
She was also impressed with my writing in general? I used nice, strong language? Haha, three years ago I tried hard to impress people with my AWESUM writing skills but I was honestly a pretty shitty writer. These days I'm inadvertently a "smart, talented writer," and I do not enjoy writing at all. Or do I subconsciously enjoy it and consciously hate it? I don't know. Fact of this matter..I threw away the folder but I went back into the .txt file of the book to get the passage.
These books are addicting.
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[10 Mar 2008|03:33pm] |
Um, what the hell is up with my body? Stop coming early. This time you're a full seven days. STOP. IT.
And I love how this post is going to be posted at 3:33, half of 666.
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