| -_- |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|08:11 am] |
I'm not going to Thanksgiving at my grandparents house. I'm not going to get to see my sister. I'm not going to get to spend time with the family I never see. I got up at 6 for nothing.
Why do I even bother?
I knew we weren't going to go. But then why was I so hopeful?
And of course seeing my obvious disappointment my mother sees fit to laugh and try to brush it off with some cheap 2 dollar gift at Wal*Mart?
Right. |
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| Okay.... |
[Nov. 6th, 2008|09:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | A little peice of heaven - a7x | ] |
My mother is... gah!
My MP3 player disappeared. Seriously. I had it in my pocket, I did the laundry, and I can't find it now. I tore up the house looking for it, and it's no where to be found.
Now Mum's telling me that if I can't find it she's not getting me my Christmas present. Okay, lets go back a little bit.
Christmas is a very hard holiday for my parents because with oil and everything it's hard to afford. So I always ask for cheap things of my parents at Christmas so the Giving Tree can give us a hand. This is the first year I've asked for something a little pricey, an acoustic guitar, or else a key board so I can teach myself piano. I've always wanted to play an instrument that didn't sound as strange as the accordion or the glockenspiel..... -_-
I'm not sure if my mother was getting me either of those, but she said quite plainly, "IF YOU CAN'T FIND THAT MP3 PLAYER YOU'RE GOING TO BE VERY DISAPPOINTED AT CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR GIFT BACK!"
I was like, "When am I not disappointed at Christmas?"
And then you know what my mother accused me of? She accused me of losing my MP3 player on purpose.
...
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!
I've been WANTING a fucking MP3 player for three fucking years! I'm not going to loose the fucking thing on PURPOSE!
You know, actually, my brother was GOING to get me one for Christmas last year. But you know what I got instead? Socks. Why? Because my brother needed to take the MP3 player back so he could get oil for his trailer. I was heart broken. Then when mum came into some money because she canceled my birthday trip to New York she bought me an MP3 player instead.
Not as good but I was still VERY happy. So yeah, I really lost the fucking thing on purpose!
-_-
I fucking hate my mother sometimes. I wish I had moved up with Desi, then I wouldn't have to deal with this bull shit. I'd have a real fucking family instead of a responsibility.
Seriously. That's what I have. I have a dad who can't walk, can't hear, and is half blind that I have had to take care of since I was eight. And a mother who's literally too fat to get off her fucking ass and get herself a glass of water at a sink 5 feet away. Is it just me or is my family backwards? Aren't THEY suppose to take care of and support ME?
For fuck sake... I'm done with this bullshit..
-Carol |
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| I learned this a long time ago... |
[Oct. 8th, 2008|03:50 pm] |
I learned a long time ago not to hope for things. I've been lightening up on that as of late for some stupid reason. Here I thought I'd actually go to New York? New York! I thought I'd actually get to see that beautiful city with the bright lights and the wonderful streets that sing.
I thought I'd get to see broad way. I thought I'd get out of this little green box and actually live life for once.
Mother disappointed me the first time. She said it was too dangerous and canceled my 16th birthday trip.
I never thought I'd get another chance.
Well, I got another chance. I got one. It was right there. I had the money. I was so hopeful. I was going to go to New York! It was impossible that I could go, but somehow, I could!
Today my dream trip was canceled.
I learned a long time ago not to hope for things. Because hoping hurts.
I told mum it got canceled just a few minutes ago. She said, "HURAAY! We can fill up the oil tank now!"
The money I was using wasn't effecting her getting any oil, and did she ever stop to consider how badly those words hurt? She could have at least said, "Oh, I'm sorry!" Or something appropriate like that.
But I learned not to hope for that either. |
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| Finally... |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|01:10 am] |
Well, I have the computer up and running all proper-like.
Next thing? Usericons... |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2008|11:25 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Library | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
We are very excited for September to come. Why?
1). School is starting! School = <3
2). Fall is coming. Favorite season for most here.
3). (best news of all) WE ARE GOING TO NEW YORK!!!
Whewt! We are so frizzled about this! Carol has never been farther than Boston and now we are going to New York for a late b-day present to her.
We are in good spirits. We hope to find you all in similar spirits!
-hugs-
-Allabe/us |
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| Nurg. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2008|12:29 pm] |
Farting around... Future entries are likely to be friendslocked. This entry, though? Entirely for fixing the stupid layout.
Also, testing the functionality of Deepest Sender. Seems to work. |
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| HEY ALL! |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|11:17 am] |
So, I know it's been forever since we've posted last. We're sorry. Change of plans for the summer actually. We're going to be back somewhere between the 2ond and 3rd week in August. So We'll be back for Carol's 16th birthday! That's the 25th. SO We'll be updating more often then. ^^
Love you all. Sorry this post is short! ^.^;
-Emmiline/us |
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| *ahem* |
[May. 31st, 2008|07:23 pm] |
Conversation between my mother and I discussing gay rights.
Me: Aw! Mum, look at the gay couple! Aren't they cute? I'm glad Maine has that gay rights thing now.
Mum: Oh yes. Thank God we let all the Fags into Maine.
Me: Mother! How could you say that? There's nothing wrong with being gay.
Mum: The Hell there isn't. I don't think we should have even gotten the rights signed off.
Me: So if I wanted to be in a relationship with a woman I shouldn't be allowed to get the same wages as someone heterosexual? I should be discriminated against and rejected by society? Gee, thanks, I'm glad you want the best for your daughter.
Mum: I'm not saying that, Carol.
Me: Then what are you saying?
Mum: I'm saying that they shouldn't be allowed to marry.
Me: First, you aren't allowed to be married in Maine to the same sex, you just have rights, and secondly, that isn't what you said before. You said we shouldn't have rights at all. Not just be unable to marry.
Mum: Just drop it, you're pissing me off and I don't want to talk about it.
Me: Fine.
***
We were in a car at the store when this conversation started. How can she be like that? -sigh- |
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| Er... |
[May. 17th, 2008|07:10 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | er, father, hunting | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Den | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Moldy Peaches - Anyone else but you | ] |
Dad: chipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchipchip!
Me: ...
Dad: ererereroooo!
Me: O.o
Dad: I LOVE THESE TURKEY HUNTIN' SHOWS!
Me: Dad. You sound nothing like a turkey or a rooster.
Dad: Get my pellet gun, I'm goin' huntin'.
Me: .... *facepalm* Damn hunting channel. |
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| meme and foolery |
[May. 11th, 2008|05:35 pm] |
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( Read more... ) |
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[May. 11th, 2008|05:24 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | questions, worrying | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Garden | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  envious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Heart-Shapped Glasses - Marilyn Manson | ] |
Dear Notebook I can't find,
I'm kinda scared about leaving this summer. About leaving everything behind. What if I don't want to come back? What if I want to come back before the summer's out? What if I get depressed? What if my friends fill my place with someone new? What if my family doesn't have space for me when I come back? What if Father dies while I'm away? What if Mother gets sick? What if someone needs me and I'm not here? What if I get sick again? What happens when pain overwhelms me? Can Desi handle me? Can Desi handle both Skyla and I? Will I be able to make a connection strong enough to want to live with her permanently? What will happen to all my stuff when I get back? I can't possibly fit it all into that tiny room. What happens when I go school shopping? Will I have the money I need? What happens to my accounts online? Will they be closed? What happens to the people I'm leaving behind? Won't they get hurt? Will anyone miss me? Does anyone care? Do I care?
I envy those who don't have to make these decisions.
Thoughtfully yours,
Carol |
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[May. 10th, 2008|04:38 pm] |
I am a happy Carol. I found the chocolate chips Mum and Dad didn't know they had.
heheh |
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| Hey!!! |
[May. 10th, 2008|04:16 pm] |
New journal. I know. The Layout is ... AWFUL!
August? Could we fix it?
-Carol |
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| New Journal! |
[May. 10th, 2008|03:35 pm] |
Right then. I think I'm going to get my own journal like Meg did. I post the most on this one so I'm gonna let the others get a word in.
-Carol
ps. Once my journal is made I will post the link in this post.
![[info]](http://www.scribbld.net/img/userinfo.gif) scarol |
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| Speeches |
[May. 6th, 2008|08:56 pm] |
I won the in-class speech contest and got moved up to go against the sophomore class. I presented today and did well in my opinion, better than I thought I'd do.
I was very shaky and my voice trembled too. People got the point though. ^^
I got positive comments from everyone. And some even noted my shaky-ness but they didn't mind much.
Allabe shouldn't have been behind me though because her crush was sitting right in direct view of the podium and was making her nervous, adding to my being nervous.
-sigh-
All in all it went well though. ^^
-Carol/Meg |
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| I Need This Daily. |
[May. 4th, 2008|06:07 pm] |
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[May. 4th, 2008|01:42 pm] |
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I HATE FUCKING PRE-PAID CREDIT CARDS! THEY CAN ALL BURN IN THE DEEPEST EPITOME OF HELL! |
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[May. 2nd, 2008|07:19 pm] |
I hate pre-paid credit cards.
That is all.
-Carol |
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[Apr. 28th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
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Meg has her own journal now. It's spunoutonyou and she's added most of you guys. |
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disappointed
tired
calm