heartarcade

Even the birds remember to come home.

2008-04-27T06:55:17Z

Last night, I told him amidst our being so very close that it couldn't work. Terrible timing; Terrible timing. I was so very serious. As serious as I could be while drunk.
He thought I was joking.
Laughing, he just pressed his lips against mine. It was hard to resist.
Temptation at its best...
He wanted it so bad. I could tell. I kinda wanted it to. I wouldn't let him have it. Strength to keep myself from doing something dumb.
I finally said I had to go home and he requested I drop him off.
I tried to explain how it just couldn't work. He likes me... a lot and I knew it. He tried to play it off like he didn't but it wasn't hard to see he did. I didn't want a relationship and a relationship with him scared me so much. Our being sexual just made it worse and created an even stickier situation.
I should have never kissed you that night you called me. I don't understand anymore.
You hate me now.
The way you said that I was the only one you ever truely cared for..
That hurt just like how you wanted it to.
The way you slammed my door while it rained away on that dark dark night.
I called you today and you acted like any other. Only to text me five minutes later saying I make your life worse and that we are done. It's like you've broken up with me. We were never even in a relationship.
I feel so hurt. So heavy. I feel so wrong.

Tonight was my prom. It was okay.
The area wasn't themed. It had poor music. You can't really dance with many people because they are either too drunk or there are too many boundaries. It felt like a wedding.
Ended up at a place downtown in East Town. Huge party with a bunch of random ass people. Casey was there. I always find myself oddly attracted to him even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a fuck about me. Guys kept flirting. Adam wanted me to flirt my way into getting some weed. I kindly declined. A girl with cool dreads gave me a million hugs and let me borrow her flip flops. A boy with red hair named nick thought I was hot. He was really drunk though. We exchanged numbers. Brittany Grooters was there. I met a girl who used to go to my school freshman year who recognized me. Beth was stoned as fuckk. Life is good.
I enjoy meeting random people.

I did everything I could tonight to forget you.

What's in between is something sensual.

2008-04-23T20:30:09Z

Tony drunk called me two nights ago at 3:40 am. It isn't the most pleasant thing to wake up to. I let my phone go to voicemail and he left a hilarious message. I always save his drunken voice mails because we are both outrageous drunks and evidence against us both is good and I can't wait to show him.

The weather is stating that this Saturday, it's going to be 60 degrees and partly cloudy. I know that may sound decent but WHAT THE HELL?? It's been mid 70's to early 80's for the past week and now on the day of prom, it's going to be in the low 60's..... riiiight. I have a short dress too. I really really hope it doesn't get cold.

As memories sake I feel like posting how I met some of my significant others of the past.. I saw it on someone else's journal and it made me remember everything. Might as well write it down before I forget!
I remember my first boyfriend was Sam Moergen. He was a sophmore at my school when I was a freshman. He played guitar and trumpet in our marching band and I played percussion. On a bus trip on the way to a competition, he sat in the seat next to me and we started talking. I thought we connected so well that I developed a full blown crush till he asked me to be his girlfriend. Ohman; young love. Haha. He was my first kiss.
Then there was Andrew (forgot his last name; oops) and I met him shortly after ending it with Sam. I found out about him through my cousin Gabby. She said he was really cute and he thought I was cute (probably from photos) and she wanted us to meet. A week later, we all went bowling and I fell in love with Andrew. We dated all summer; which is a long time for me! He was my first everything.
My summer after sophmore year, I was at a show downtown called Beardcore. My friend Kat was with me and she knew some of the people who were playing in the show. At the time I thought it was the coolest thing in the world and that I was part of that "scene" scene in our city. I formed this undying crush on a boy that was hanging out with one of the bands but my friend Kat was liking him too. I got discouraged. I instead tried and make some other friends around. One of them was part of the band and the other was some punk kid who liked wearing my large sunglasses. Two days later, he found me on myspace and said he was bored and wanted to know if he could have my number so he could call me. It was a relationship ever since then haha! Tony and I weren't together for a too long period of time but now we are hanging out again which is nice.
One of my sorta possibilities who I would wish to consider one of my boyfriends was Richard. He was the preppy, crew member, partying kinda guy. I thought he was HOT. I met him after he sat down at a table I was at during class at school and talked to me and Casey about Spring Break. Ever since then, he would search me out during school and we eventually saw each other everyday. He asked me if I could be his girlfriend after a period of time but I told him I had to think about it. Later on I denied him at his Grad Party but I realized quickly that I regretted it. I could tell he wasn't totally happy when I went back to him about it. Ever since, we just hang out with each other rarely these days..
Lastly there is Logan. I met him through my friend Drew. I was going to see The Show Is The Rainbow at the DAAC. Drew saw his friends Logan and Adam were there. I thought Logan was cute and we started dating after we had a super long coffee break downtown. I had to break up with him once school started however because he lived so far away and I couldn't affored the gas.
NOW I'm single. harhar.
Fun looking back.
Now I'm going to go take photos of Freshman Girls Soccer for yearbook. hurrahhhh...

Join my new community?

Your heart is a hummingbird.

2008-04-21T23:00:30Z

So I guess I don't really care if he sees this later or not. I doubt he will see it but I'm sick of making entries private these days so I'm just going to have at it.

I'm sick of Kevin. It's been over a half a year that we have been "friends" but if anything I think the only reason I've stayed near him was my lust for him. LUST. No real like for his personality. Finally. I realized what he's really like. A self centered, boring, prick. I can't stand how he requests that people follow him along. I hate how he always asks if people have money. How he repeatedly says he hates people for no reason. Thinks that girls always want to fuck him after they give him one glance. I hate that damn BMW and Audi that he says would save over me if we were both in front of a speeding train. I hate how he always requests back massages and gets super pissed off if I don't give him one. I hate how two faced he is and always talks about people. I hate how boring he is. I hate that if we do anything, it's what HE wants to do. I'm sick of Kevin. SICK. No more. I have changed because of him. I've started to become that self centered prick he is. I am finding new friends. BYE.

Now that, THAT is out of my system.

Today is beautiful.
I got my hair colored and cut today. It's blonde looking now. Really cute :D

My video in broadcasting class got a 20/20. I'll probably post it on youtube soon and show it off :P Or not. Because it's really embarissing. Mrs. Hamersma did tell me though that I look and sound good on camera and she thinks it's something I should always be doing. She's probably hinting at me being on air again. But I am too shy for something like that! haha.
I left my laptop sitting on the couch in class while I went to use the bathroom and when I came back, these photos were on there..

PS

New art pieces.

Batique. Basically I did the preliminary drawing with wax, water colored, then waxed the whole thing. Cracked it and poured black ink over it. Ironed the whole thing to lift the wax. It's a skull in water with three sparrows floating above it. Didn't turn out like I wanted it to.

Watercolor and Ink. Kinda meh drawing but I made it for the AP Art class.

Tonight

2008-04-20T06:20:13Z

I'm a tad drunk and I have to admit.
I really really wanted to fuck my ex boyfriend.
Scratch that.
I was really really close to fucking my ex boyfriend.

Am I allowed to say that we are falling for each other again?
Since this has been a repeated moment for the past week and a half since he called me?

First Entry With My New Macbook Pro

2008-04-19T16:31:49Z

I felt it's only right to start off a new online journal after receiving my new gift!! I guess I don't have a ton to say other then I'm actually sitting outside with my computer for once. Michigan's weather has been 68-76 for the past few days. GORGEOUS! I even had a picnic yesterday... kinda. It was in the dark so I don't really know how picnicy it really could be but it was still fun!

I don't know if anyone else can really relate to this but because on my windows desktop, I have to reboot it alot... and I usually burn things to disks (all my files and such) to relieve my stress of possibly losing things. I stumbled across a really old disk from when I was like.... fifteen? Ouch. Long time ago. I'm 18 now, just for the record. I saw a survey I took back in the day when I thought they were baller as fuck and I can see how much I've really changed. I thought it'd be fun to kinda compare answers by re-doing the survey and seeing how much I've really changed... So here it goes!

Fifteen Years Old
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Kasey (AKA Kas, KFC, Kelso, and Special K)
-- Birth date: November 27, 1989
-- Birthplace: Grand Rapids, Michigan
-- Current Location: GR, Michigan
-- Gender: Female
-- Eye Color: Green
-- Hair Color: Brown
-- Height: 5'5
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Saggitarious
LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: All I know is that I'm over 70% Dutch.
-- The shoes you wore today: My black converses with like 20 holes in them.
-- Your weakness: Superman Ice Cream with M&M's.
-- Your fears: Spiders, the dark, and teeth.
-- Your perfect pizza: A regular pepperoni pizza without cheese.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: To become a well-known artist of some kind and to have a beach house off the west coast.
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on IM: "Nice."
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "What did I eat last night? "
-- Your best physical feature: Legs and eyes.
-- Your most missed memory: Going to georgia just to visit my uncle and aunt in their huge house. I miss getting lost in it and having to end up playing marco polo for a half hour just to reach the dinner table.
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: BK! Their burgers and chicken just heavenly.
-- Single or group dates: Single.
-- Adidas or Nike: Neither, I don't wear shoes with an arch or running shoes.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea, buy it all the time!
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Neither, not big on coffee because it stains teeth.
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: Don't smoke.
-- Cuss: Sometimes, but I usually use more original words.
-- Sing: I sing alot but not in front of people.
-- Take a shower everyday: Yea, sometimes even twice a day. I like feeling clean.
-- Do you think you've been in love: Not yet sadly.
-- Want to go to college: Yup.
-- Like(d) high school: Lame.
-- Want to get married: Umm...mhmm yes.
-- Believe in yourself: Sometimes, but I'm pretty stupid and its sometimes hard to.
-- Get motion sickness: Yup.
-- Think you're attractive: Not really.
-- Think you're a health freak: Not really, I just don't eat any meat other then chicken. My friends call me a health freak.
-- Get along with your parent(s): On and off but mostly off.
-- Like thunderstorms: Hell yea!
-- Play an instrument: Guitar, drums, and piano.
LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Yes
-- Smoked: No
-- Done a drug: No
-- Made Out: No
-- Gone on a date: No
-- Gone to the mall?: Yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Haha yea
-- Eaten sushi: No
-- Been on stage: No
-- Been dumped: No
-- Gone skating: No
-- Made homemade cookies: No
-- Gone skinny dipping: No
-- Dyed your hair: No
-- Stolen anything: Yes
LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Of course.
-- If so, was it mixed company: Yes.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope because its horribly embarising
-- Been caught "doing something": Phew, no.
-- Been called a tease: Yes
-- Gotten beaten up: Yes, but I got her back good.
-- Shoplifted: No
-- Changed who you were to fit in: No, i'd like to be myself.
LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: 25-28
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 1 child, a girl.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: On the beach in some tropical island. Everyone is required to go barefoot.
-- How do you want to die: Quick, painless and old.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Rich ;-)
-- What country would you most like to visit: New Zealand.
LAYER NINE:
-- Opposite sex (or the same?): Opposite.
-- Best eye color? Dark brown.
-- Best hair color? Dark brown or black.
-- Short or long hair: Shaggy kind of long.
-- Best Height? Taller than me but not too tall.
-- Best weight: At least heavier than me!
-- Best articles of clothing: For him? I have no idea! Whatever he feels comfy in, clothes don't mean a thing.
-- Best first date location: Ice cream parlor.
-- Best first kiss location: Somehere out of sight.
LAYER TEN:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 2
-- Number of CDs that I own: Over 3 hundered...
-- Number of piercings: 2
-- Number of tattoos: 0
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: A few.
-- Number of scars on my body: Way more than 20, thankfully they aren't as noticable as they used to be.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: 0
LAYER ELEVEN (NON EXISTING, ADDED BY ME)
-- Favourite Food: Apple Cinnamon Muffins.
-- Favourite Music: AC/DC, Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Audio Karate, Glassjaw, Green Day, The Casualties, ect.
-- Favourite TV Series: Monster Garage and Orange County Choppers. I'm a Jesse James fan!
-- Favourite Stuff: Drawing, photography, my snowboard, my stinky converses, books, and sharpies.
-- Favourite Movies: Chicago, Orange County, Van Wilder, and A Band of Brothers
-- Favourite Authors: Stephen King, VC Andrews, and Judy Blume.
-- Favourite Colours: Pink, Blue, and Black.
-- Favourite Clothes: Mini skirts, tights, and hats.

Eighteen..
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Kasey but some people coined me the name "Kas-Kas"
-- Birth date: November 27, 1989
-- Birthplace: Grand Rapids, Michigan
-- Current Location: Sadly, the same place.
-- Gender: Female
-- Eye Color: Green
-- Hair Color: Blondish Brown
-- Height: 5'7
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Sagg
LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: Dutch and British. Pretty much half and half.
-- The shoes you wore today: None, I'm barefoot currently.
-- Your weakness: A delicious sandwich!
-- Your fears: The dark, any sort of bug, and wolves.
-- Your perfect pizza: Cheese and pineapple.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Open a design firm in San Francisco or LA.
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on IM: lololol!!!!1!!!!111!
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "What did I drink last night? "
-- Your best physical feature: Legs and eyes.
-- Your most missed memory: My cottage in Traverse City.
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: I stopped eating fast food.
-- Single or group dates: Single.
-- Adidas or Nike: Neither, I don't own sneakers.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither, have too much sugar in them.. nasttyyyy.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee. I drink it everyday!
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: Weed.
-- Cuss: Too much.
-- Sing: All the time but I suck at it.
-- Take a shower everyday: Usually yes..
-- Do you think you've been in love: I hate relationships.
-- Want to go to college: I'm going to college!
-- Like(d) high school: Hated it and loved it. High School always has its high's and low's.
-- Want to get married: Eventually. Probably when I'm in my late twenties though.
-- Believe in yourself: I trust myself more than anyone else.
-- Get motion sickness: Never.
-- Think you're attractive: Sure!
-- Think you're a health freak: Sometimes. I've lost alot of weight in the past few years for changing my shitty diet around. I'd like to say I eat what I'm supposed to. I still don't eat any sort of red meats.
-- Get along with your parent(s): Depends. I sometimes can be really bitchy to them accidentally.
-- Like thunderstorms: They are amazing.
-- Play an instrument: These days, I usually just play piano.
LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Definitely.
-- Smoked: No.
-- Done a drug: Yes.
-- Made Out: Yes.
-- Gone on a date: Not really.
-- Gone to the mall?: Haha... yea. I'm there too much.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Blech, naw.
-- Eaten sushi: Yum :)
-- Been on stage: Nope.
-- Been dumped: Nope.
-- Gone skating: No...
-- Made homemade cookies: Naw...
-- Gone skinny dipping: No..
-- Dyed your hair: Yea.
-- Stolen anything: Yes.
LAYER SEVEN:
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yea.
-- If so, was it mixed company: Yes.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: I'm intoxicated all too much... hahaha.
-- Been caught "doing something": YUP! The boy's friend kinda sorta walked in / walked by. We didn't know the door was open!!!
-- Been called a tease: All the time.
-- Gotten beaten up: Once. I basically got punched in the eye.
-- Shoplifted: Yup.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Yea. I did once. But I realized that was the dumbest thing I could have done haha.
LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: 28.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: I don't even want to think about kids!
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: On the beach, everyone shoeless. The music will be Bob Marley.
-- How do you want to die: Quick, painless and old.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Graphic Designer and commisioned painter.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Japan FTW!!!
LAYER NINE:
-- Opposite sex (or the same?): Opposite.
-- Best eye color? Green.
-- Best hair color? Blonde.
-- Short or long hair: Shaggy kind of long.
-- Best Height? Taller.
-- Best weight: Not fat and a little built.
-- Best articles of clothing: I have a thing for polos...
-- Best first date location: Coffee.
-- Best first kiss location: By a fountain on a summer day.
LAYER TEN:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: One kind... weedziez.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 4.
-- Number of CDs that I own: Everythings digital.
-- Number of piercings: Just my ears.
-- Number of tattoos: None yet. I plan on getting the triforce somewhere and one of my own pieces of artwork on my body.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: A few.
-- Number of scars on my body: Tons but many of them healed except for a few on my foot and the one on the inside of my lip.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't regret anything.
LAYER ELEVEN (NON EXISTING, ADDED BY ME)
-- Favourite Food: Broccoli Cheese Soup from Panera.
-- Favourite Music: Recent listens = Vampire Weekend, Annuals, Animal Collective, Modest Mouse, Blink 182, Caribou, Say Anything
-- Favourite TV Series: South Park.
-- Favourite Stuff: Being outside taking photos, being on my computer, spending time with friends, swimming, and getting drunk.
-- Favourite Movies: Memoirs of a Geisha, Howls Moving Castle
-- Favourite Authors: Anyone that writes something that makes me feel changed.
-- Favourite Colours: Turqouise.
-- Favourite Clothes: Dresses and Fedoras.

PS

Why does listening to Blink 182 make me want to be with this kid so much?

I can't have any more of those one night stands. I feel too connected. It's so wrong.