lungs

although the correct term might be "use"

2008-11-12T08:18:29Z

I love my computer too much. :'(

how do i get motivated?

2008-11-10T03:46:22Z

I'm trying to move through the hopeless malaise that's ruled me for so long. I can get motivated enough to do menial things, but the things that are important are usually pushed to the side. Is it my fear of failure? Or is it my fear of success? Am I just plain lazy? I. Don't. Know. I really wish I did. Maybe I just need to force myself to do everything so that one day I might actually feel like doing it. It being anything, really.

lungs @ 2008-11-09T17:34:00

2008-11-10T01:35:21Z

HOLY CRAP I FORGOT I HAD THIS JOURNAL

lungs @ 2007-09-17T01:05:00

2007-09-17T08:21:56Z

i walk in
your breath is paper thin
your scars are all showing
and the heat in the room is ridiculous
i push your hair back,
wipe the sweat off your forehead,
though unintentionally
i remember when you were just a young man
more like a young boy
and we were just a joke
just playing around
you would say,
"frank, we could last forever"
and in your arms it felt real
and you were so big
and so much better than me
you were my guidance
my light in the dark
and now as you lay there, barely any light
in this overheated hospital room
i wonder how it happened
how my man
my boy
my gerard
my knight in shining armor
fell apart so quickly
sickened, undone at the seams
by some sort of disease
some sort of accident
death like this is never on purpose
and dying is never pretty
but as i look down at you
with that weak smile
and those heavy eyes,
barely open
and as you whisper, soft
your voice hoarse and not like you at all
your breath fading
your grip on my hand softening
your eyes finally closing
i wonder how you can make it look so pretty

lungs @ 2007-09-17T00:42:00

2007-09-17T07:51:37Z

one day you'll realize
that what you thought was important
will be trivial
and what you thought was trivial
will be important
the years go by
and you wonder why
and what you're doing
and where you are
and you'll look back to the days in high school
when everything seemed so clear
and you wasted days indoors
listening to music
getting lost
and then boom
one day you're nineteen, almost twenty
and you're wondering where sixteen went
and you wish you could have it back
and you realize you're doing the same thing
but getting nowhere
and you think
how depressing
and then you think about it
and then you sulk about it
and then you write about it
and realize this just makes it all worse
but what can you do when you're nineteen and uninspired?
you sit
you wait
and retire
to your bed
and try to relive the old days
trying to forget that dawn is imminent behind the curtains
and that your life is waiting for you in a few hours
but you still can't pull yourself away
from sixteen
and how easy it all felt

lungs @ 2007-09-17T00:33:00

2007-09-17T07:38:33Z

tell me again
make it slow
i am trying hard to understand
but you move so fast
and i'm stuck in this mud
this sticky residue my mind emits
i ball my hands into fists
none of this seems to click
it's frustrating me
you need to walk me through again
i'm sorry, i'm like a six year old, again
i watch your lips
repeat the words
don't understand a word of it
but i nod
and i smile
and it looks like i've finally grasped the concept
but i sit
and i stuggle
when you leave
engulfed, overwhelmed
i'm sorry, i'm like a six year old
again

lungs @ 2007-09-16T23:32:00

2007-09-17T06:36:49Z

i am the resigned fate in your hands
i am the cold air in your lungs
that stings as you breathe in
i am the punctures
i am the wounds
i am the saliva built up in your mouth
as you nervously flutter in front of the crowd
i am your mother
i am your father
i am everyone you've tried to forget
i am a nightmare
i am a memory
that you slowly bury in the depths
of your mind
so just ignore me
pretend
hide
because i am the ending
before you're taken away by the tide

That was an original work, so don't take it, beeshes. I'm also livinglegend, just so ya knowww.