there are several thousand questions... (malicious@scribbld.net)

06 Sep 2008|06:00pm [PUBLIC]
Ending it

I shouldn't have waited as long as I did to make this post and yes it is a completely open post, but all comments will be disabled. I'm not looking for drama, but remember you posted about it in your journal, or I should say you posted up one thing brought up in your journal. It wasn't just about that or this. It's about many things that I've tried to bring up on most definitely more than one occasion, but I've noticed you only want to see one thing and ignore the rest.

What this comes down to is that we are completely incompatible as friends let alone anything else. From earlier on we began a cycle of good times and bad ones, in the beginning the good out weighted the bad, but as time has gone on I have become your scapegoat for all of your frustrations and sometimes even when your not. Now before you go denying it, I believe wholeheartedly that you have no knowledge of doing this to me. I've been watching very carefully, especially the last 2-3 years and with other people you seem like a completely normal person with every day kind of issues, but when it comes to me, you put me down, say things that make me think or feel I'm not worthy of being around your or speak to you, which over the years has taken a big toll on how I act with others. I've become paranoid that they will react a certain way when I do or say something, it's only recently have I started to work out of this, not everyone is going to react the way you do and you always react the same way to me. It's why we can't be friends. I believe that you have changed, but with others, I think it is only a matter of time before the cycle will begin again if we start talking again. It's happen more times than I can count.

You mention that you're very happy now being yourself in this past month in and a half. Notice how often we've been talking to one another in that time. Longer if I could have helped it, when the doll thing happen, something else happened at the same time which I'm pretty sure you don't remember at all, but that hurt so much and made me so angry, that was why I cut you and I made a very very angry post about it saying I never never wants to speak to you again. Even know this hurts me to write it, but I have to do it. I can't continue to lead you to believe everything is peachy, because it's not, I can't remember anymore the last time things were peachy, in any part of our friendship. And I tried ways on my own to make it better, every attempt failed and you probably didn't even notice. I tested didn't things, watch what I said or did. For some reason you always treated me differently, at least now I have a name for it. And even with our worst fights you come back for more, we hurt each other constantly and yet you want more? When does the bad outweigh the good? For me it was the last fight (that nondoll part) and the last time I came over your house when you thought that the computer was more interesting than I was. I thought friends were suppose to spend time with one another and though you didn't spend your whole time on there, over 50% is a little much in my book. When was the last time we actually did something other than watch movies anyways?

It hurt spending time with you after awhile because our RP stuff fell out and you would tell me about how much fun you were having with everyone else. Must have been better than when it was with me because you would have talked about that, but also tried to talk about what we could do and I remember you trying a couple of times. But our love for something died and when it did all of the RP stuff fell apart. When that happened, we only had movies to watch anymore and nothing else to do except talk about that or who said what to who online.

I'm attempting to keep this as organized as possible, I'm sorry if I ever got off target. For those of you that talk to her I thought about cutting you out of my life because I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her anymore, I don't even care if I get my very very late xmas presents anymore that I'm assuming I'll never get anyways because they are always either missing or undone. I got use to that. I'll send your birthday present to the place I have Atsu's address at. -but people, it wouldn't be fair for those of you that do have a normal relationship with her and that wouldn't be fair to myself that does consider some of you out there friends and not people that will run to tell her stuff, I got rid of those kind of people on my journal a very long time ago. But please know I don't want to discuss this any further after this post, this was a very long time coming as I stated at the beginning and I want nothing more than to finally say that this is finished, leaving it open for so long only made it worse for me mentally.

To you....I do not hate you, but I cannot be your friend.

06 Sep 2008|06:06am [PUBLIC]

rei

SPAM PLZ?

im up for being entertained while im at work with sergio. its just three managers today and im gonna be b-o-r-e-d bored.

especially after im a little off from having a dream that it was my fault for the end of the world and i apologized to everyone and their mother

42 saw the world end on a bitter note ♦ nothing is impossible

04 Sep 2008|06:29pm [PUBLIC]
[DOWNTIME]

system

This morning and into this evening we experienced some unscheduled downtime. At this time we belive some network cables went bad, and have since replaced and reboot the systems to make sure everything was running properly. We'll continue to closely monitor the network over the next few hours to make sure it's nothing else that caused the issue.

Thanks for your patience and understanding.

nothing is impossible

03 Sep 2008|09:50pm [PUBLIC]

kuroitenshi

Give me quick drawing ideas...GO!

MOOD: creative

15 saw the world end on a bitter note ♦ nothing is impossible

30 Aug 2008|11:05pm [PUBLIC]
153

curiousvenus

BUDGET 2009 announced

Lots of financial changes promised to Sabah and Sarawak (about time!), more improvements promised on the public transport system, babysitter allowances for working mommies, cellphones and internet access for government servants (dontcha just love GENERAL statements like that?), households whose electric bills are below RM20 DON'T HAVE TO PAY THEIR BILLS etc.

Budget 2009 is the result of that much-needed wake-up call in March to the Powers That Be.

Ultimately ...

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is, of course, my one-month bonus in addition to my salary. More money for bills and such.

It was a quiet Saturday for me. I had plans to visit the MATTA FAIR at PWTC today but luckily I found out at the last minute that the date was set for 5-7th September instead of 30-31st of August. I stayed home the whole day and watched Rose Red. I think, amongst all other Stephen King's novel-to-screen adaptations, it was pretty decent. Matt Kesslar did help, alot. ^___^;; Also, I've been afflicted with a sudden obsession with Glenn Miller's Big Band. I'm so easily influenced. XP

In other news, I went shopping today and bought my brother's ( birthday present )

And also, just because I might not be on tomorrow due to the fact that I need to be on-call ...

WISHING ALL MALAYSIANS A HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

( A touching video on race )

MUSIC: from yesterday | 30 seconds to mars

2 saw the world end on a bitter note ♦ nothing is impossible

29 Aug 2008|10:42am [PUBLIC]
025. ARGGGG!

hitsuzen

CODE GEASS IS SO CONFUSING! It's pissing me off!

MOOD: aggravated

nothing is impossible

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