For my dreams, I hold my life

My final entry here... and probably elsewhere.

2008-07-17T22:40:26Z

After spending time with him (he's gone now) plus recent observations as of late and I have decided to abandon blogging altogether with the exception of my LiveJournal as it's connected to people I know IRL and my LostJournal, as it will be my main journaling source.

Here's why.

When I spent time with him, he was completely different in person than he was online. I, on the other hand, had not been any different. I was exactly how I described myself both in my journal and in IM chats. I had not undersold nor oversold myself. He had done the latter, and I was met with a bitter disappointment.

This has discouraged me from making serious online friendships, mainly because I knew him for three years and we talked daily, far more than I've talked to anyone on here, because I feel like while I am being honest, if one of my own best friends is not on purpose deceiving me then how can I know how true a person actually is in person?

You can't.

Not to mention that once I get to China I won't have time anyway.

So... take care, everyone, and be safe and strong.

Rant.

2008-07-17T22:25:04Z

(Yes, this was partially inspired by the comments in my last post, but mainly inspired by those around me and something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while)

Why do people judge what they don't understand?

I tell people that in Asia I would be considered fat and that is why I don't feel like going out to eat or don't eat as much as everyone else. Then they hate on China, but continue fangirling or fanboying Japan like it's any different. NEWSFLESH: it's not. If you go to an East Asian country, they are all of the exact. same. prejudice that Americans are fat because guess what? We are the SECOND FATTEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. 1 in 4 Americans is obese. Not fat. Not chubby. Obese. This is a FACT.

I have a Chinese friend who is 120 lbs and 5'8" and her people call her fat. If she went to Japan, they would say she's fat too.

When I was in Taiwan and Japan, I got the exact same treatment as I did in China, and anyone who spends considerable amount of time in Asia would realise the same thing. It doesn't matter if it's Korea or Thailand or Indonesia: if you aren't a stick, you are fat.

Is it unhealthy for Asian countries - not just China! - to be like this? Yeah. I do think ALL Asian women are obsessed with weight more than they should be. If you buy any Japanese fashion magazine (with the exception of Lolita as they're more for making your own clothes than buying them), the end of the magazine is full of ads for two things: one is breast enhancement. The other is losing weight, and there are way more ads for losing weight than breast enhancement.

But what bothers me is that it seems like it's okay to hate on them for making a true statement: in America, it is more culturally acceptable to not be thin than it is to be thin in Asia. Here, we have people who say "big is beautiful". In Asia, if you said that, people would laugh in your face. So, why else wouldn't they say, "It's okay that you're fat because you are American"? They think it's a part of your culture to eat greasy fast food. If you don't want them to have that prejudice, then you had better start changing something because they get that opinion from our movies and our TV shows that they can rent and buy off the street.

I just get so angry because people seem to worship Asia, especially Japan, like it's this perfect place and has this awesome fantastic culture and it's soooo wonderful and yet they don't want to see that they have flaws but it's okay to hate on China because China has issues and never mind the fact that without China, half of Japan's culture wouldn't even exist as the Japanese even got silk, kimono, tea ceremony, rice, their writing system, and their religious and philosophical thinking FROM China. Most everyone BORROWED from China, so if you want to hate on China, then you'd better hate on the rest of Asia too, because if it wasn't for China's existence, especially in the early Tang Dynasty where trade opened and people flooded in from Korea, Japan, Vietnam, etc to learn of the Chinese way then a lot of the culture you have today that you think is "sooooo cool" wouldn't exist.

So please. Learn that people are different than you and just because they have different mindsets than you doesn't mean you should just disapprove, because there's a reason behind it and you're not even bothering to look for it.

EDIT: I decided to disable comments as I've come to an epiphany today about some things and I shouldn't be posting anyway, but didn't want to delete my post.

moonrise @ 2008-07-17T11:13:00

2008-07-17T15:12:39Z

Pardon my dust; I took down my userinfo because I'm working on a new one and my layout isn't that great. I took coding I'd used on another journal on GJ (an RP journal, actually) so I need to work out the colours and get a header and change the word for the comments and blah blah blah yada yada yada.

Today I take him back to the airport and he goes home. Of course I'm disappointed that it didn't work out, but I feel a bit... cheated out of a great many things and very disappointed. The only thing I'm looking forward to now is when Paine's parents leave and I will be staying over at her house while they're gone. I'll get to get away from my parents and have some peace and quiet before I head back to Shanghai.

I haven't been exercising or eating well while he's been here, so I need to get back on the ball with that once he leaves. I do not want to go back to Asia and be called "the really pretty fat girl" or hear "it's okay that you're fat because you're American." Worst part is that here no one really understands because by American standards I am not fat... just average. But by Asian standards... dear god. And besides, I don't want to miss out on the shopping.

I had to go back to my university yesterday to re-apply for graduation. It was really annoying having to drive two hours there and two hours back, but for the sake of my degree it's worth it. I'm in the clear and I'll get my degree at the beginning of next month.

I really hope I can find a way to get a job in Shanghai. Usually they don't let you even have a part-time job with a student visa but it's been done before. However, the Chinese police have been cracking down on those who accept part-time jobs as English teachers. In fact, a lot of my American university classmates who had settled down in Shanghai are having issues because they changed the law; you have to be 25 to get a working visa. Most of them are either 23 or 24 so they will have to leave China soon. D:

I'm sure life will work itself out.

moonrise @ 2008-07-16T09:15:00

2008-07-16T13:30:58Z

I forgot to mention this on here: I've purchased my plane tickets to Shanghai, and I'm quite happy about that. Here's my flight info:

Wed, Aug 27, 2008 - Detroit, MI (DTW) to Shanghai, China (PVG)

United 0365
Depart: DTW (Detroit) 8:13 AM
Arrive: ORD (Chicago) 8:30 AM

<<< connecting to >>>

United 0835
Depart: ORD (Chicago) 10:24 AM
Arrive: PVG (Shanghai) 1:55 PM
Arrives next day

I can't wait to go back and start my life there. I could use a clean slate, really.

Yesterday I had a biopsy to test for cancer in the cyst in my thyroid. It was rather painful. D: I'll know the results tomorrow.

moonrise @ 2008-07-14T18:12:00

2008-07-14T22:05:46Z

I am alive.

We had the "let's just be friends" talk and it went well. Other than that, I'm exhausted.

o2o; what a disaster

2008-07-10T13:39:01Z

...it's not going well. I'm not going to elaborate on here, but it really is a disaster, and I don't know what to do with myself.

Lyrics from The Bravery's An Honest Mistake are running through my head. 'I swear I never meant for this/ I never meant/ don't look at me that way/ it was an honest mistake'

The moral of the story is this: don't think that you know someone so well online that you will get along perfectly in person. I've met friends online and met in person and it worked out great. This... is a disaster, it really is.

Gosh.

o19; distraction

2008-07-07T03:27:57Z

Less than 24 hours now. I should be in bed as I am very tired but I just keep thinking. He texted me earlier...

Him: Less than a day, Yuna! <3
Me: I can't wait to see you. <3
Him: Less than 3. ;P

The... 'less than 3' thing is in a reference to the little "<3". If you take it apart, it's the 'less than' sign (<) and then 3, and he said to me once, "I less than 3 you" and it just... stuck. ^^;;

Anyway, I wanted to distract myself by showing you all pictures of China. My newest friends have expressed interest in seeing China, so here we go! Some of these are from 2007, some are from 2005, some were taken by me, others by my classmates who also attended the trip.

The view outside my window every day in Shanghai when I lived on ECNU campus.

The entrance to the dormatory.

The entrance to ECNU itself. When you enter the university, it's like leaving downtown Shanghai's chaos and coming into a peaceful garden... outside of class, of course. XP

The group that does Tai Chi every day in the park by ECNU. Me and Rikku practise with them. They're hardcore, and we wish we were that cool, haha.

...so, my entire class decided they wanted to see how many of them could fit in a Chinese phone booth. See the blue flag? That would be the university I just graduated from. Hoo-boy, rofl!

You think that is a lot he's carrying on his bike, yes? Would you believe I've seen much, much bigger? Maybe three times that size?

Typical Chinese street scene. This is outside the back gate of ECNU.

This picture was taken in the early morning. Generally there are many, many more bikes and cars on the road, and yes, they ride together and yes, they cut each other off. Shanghai traffic is insane.

And finally, yours truly overlooking the main grounds of Jing'an Temple. See the skyscrapers in the background? This temple is directly in the middle of the city.

Okay. I'm going to go to bed. Hopefully my nerves will have calmed and I'll actually get sleep. Take care, everyone!

o17; tomorrow is the day...

2008-07-06T13:40:37Z

...tomorrow, I go to the airport and pick him up.

We finally talked over the phone, I finally talked to his mum, and now...

This is it. It's happening.

Oh my goodness.

I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm a bit upset with Applebee's because they changed our paydate and company out of nowhere so everyone only got half a paycheck last time and I don't get paid until Wednesday. I was going to go shopping tomorrow and possibly get my nails done (shush, I know he doesn't care, but it makes ME feel pretty, darn it!) but I am so broke it's stupid. Thx, Applebee's.

I'm probably going shopping anyway for at least a couple of outfits and then at 3 p.m. I will be at Rikku's house and then we go to the airport together...

I'm nervous.

...I'm gonna go back to playing DDR now.

o18; ddr + less than five days, o snap!

2008-07-04T01:06:16Z

Been playing DDR on Heavy mode even though I'm not really that far advanced on it (though it is kinda forcing me to be better anyway) through workout mode so it counts calories and there is no "LOL GAME OVER YOU FAIL" bit.

I've burned almost 700 calories so far.

Glee. :D

My goal is to play for at least an hour a day on Heavy mode even while he is here. Speaking of him, I was panicking earlier because he's only 18 (turning 19 in September) and... for most hotels, you have to be 21 to check in, and those that allow you to be 18 are at rates that are ridiculously high. So, I was very worried he'd have no place to stay after flying in from central Canada to Michigan, but I remembered at the last second that my cousin works for a very large hotel corporation in the area. She gave me her family & friends code and guess what?

He can stay in my hometown at a four 1/2 star hotel for $59 a night without issue. If his age is an issue? My cousin knows the general manager and will make arrangements.

...He is DARN lucky. Seriously. I was super worried.

His plane comes in at 4:15 p.m. to Detroit on Monday. He's calling me tonight. I am very, very excited and yes, very nervous. But we're going to have a blast and have the time of our lives, I know it. ♥

Meme!

2008-07-02T18:37:39Z

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of Scribbld?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the "world peace, etc." malarkey) - what are they:
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school:
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

o16; five days left...

2008-07-02T15:15:12Z

...until he comes. I'm so super nervous and yet so super excited. I need to go shopping soon ~

Today, I need to clean my room (books and old classwork are lying around everywhere), play DDR (I bought a dance mat and the original DDR Max yesterday), memorise this techpara dance routine, possibly swing by Mirai and pick up the newest edition of any gyaru magazine (though I'm kinda broke right now and since they're imported from Japan they're a bit expensive), and put together my Hebrew flash cards.

I'm not looking forward to working tomorrow with she-who-shall-not-be-named. I swear, this girl honestly thinks she's the hottest thing that ever appeared in Michigan and that EVERYONE is jealous of her (she proclaims this every time I work with her). To me, she just looks like any other girl I've see in the mall and doesn't strike me at all as anything special. One of my other co-workers, however, the one who's competing in the Miss Michigan contest... now SHE I wish would conduct a class in beauty and all-around confidence. She isn't mean, she isn't nasty, she has a genuine all-around beauty. She-who-shall-not-be-named should take a page out of her book and realise that the more she flaunts about that she's "sooooo hot," the uglier she becomes. Confidence is one thing, but this... ugh.

I really wish I didn't have to work with her anymore. I'd rather work nights than endure her ish.

Alright, I should get going. Now is the time to snag the TV for DDR!

o15; what the garf?

2008-06-28T20:46:35Z

I want to know why people think that making fun of other people and bringing others down is an acceptable way of feeling better about oneself. Wouldn't it be more beneficial to just... work on yourself? If a person has THAT much self-confidence and assurance, then they wouldn't need to feel the need to make fun of other people or even go so far as to make graphics with people's personal pictures. If the people who are making the flames are "so awesome", then... they wouldn't feel a need to do such a thing. They would be so awesome that they would actually spend their time improving themselves instead of bringing others down.

Really, if you were that high up the mountain, so to speak, why would you climb all the way to push someone? You'd just have to climb back up. Is it worth it? Not really.

Maybe... no one's actually climbed the mountain because they're too afraid to work on self-improvement and it's easier to push someone around at the bottom than it is to climb.

That's really sad.

I feel sorry for a lot of people right now.

o14; only a bright future ahead...

2008-06-25T16:49:58Z

As of today, I have completed all of my course requirements as an undergrad. I am now officially a graduate of Grand Valley State University, and am also officially enrolled in East China Normal University as a master's programme student.

I cannot express in words how happy I am. Perhaps if I had gotten a bit more sleep last night, I would be bouncing off the walls, hee!

It's so... strange. Time has flown, and I've changed. Grown.

Five years ago I had entered college without any idea of what I wanted for the future, had only been there because it was the "proper" thing to do, and because it was a chance to live away from home and be on my own. I didn't have a major, I didn't have a path, I knew nothing, understood nothing, even though I thought I did. At the age of eighteen, we all think we understand everything when in reality we hardly know ourselves, and college is the beginning of a long journey towards that vital understanding. How unfortunate that I couldn't appreciate that until much, much later.

Four years ago I had a better idea of what I wanted. I knew what I was good at and that I'd always wanted to write a novel and was quite good at writing, so I had picked creative writing for a major because it was better than just staring at "Undecided". I was finishing Japanese language at my university and thought I'd run out of things to study in the interest perspective. I still felt lost in the world and felt like the cycle of class was never ending and that I'd never be fulfilled in life.

Three years ago I took a class because I had to and ended up taking a trip that would change my life forever. I went from a confused, lost, aggravated girl to a composed, happy young woman with a new passion and drive in life. No longer was I fumbling in the dark for what I wanted to do, or picking things because it "worked" or it "sounded good." I climbed mountains, ate vegetables (which really was a first for me!), drank water (also a first!), and opened my mind, body, and soul. I saw everything from a booming metropolis bursting with people from all over to crumbling ruins with the poverty-stricken and the illiterate. I began to not only live, but learned how to appreciate life and all that I've been given and to use it for a greater good: the world. Most of all... I fell in love and got a true family.

Two years ago I continued down the path I had chosen, frustrated with my life at university but never forgetting the lessons that I learned. I took another trip, discovered myself even more, saw the differences and saw no differences, cleansed myself again, saw a place that had come to a form of peace that I had not yet quite seen. I drank tea with a single-minded devotion, embraced those around me, and learned what it meant to experience heartbreak in the form of romance. I re-discovered myself once again, and formed bonds with new friends and re-formed bonds with old. I was nicknamed 'Summoner', summoning happiness, smiles, strength, and courage to those around me, and reinforced my decision to do what it could to summon as much happiness as possible.

One year ago I walked in a graduation ceremony even though I wasn't quite finished, I repeated a trip, saw the conclusion of the labors of love and experienced the highest form of wisdom: happiness in spite of all. I plummeted down into the depths of despair, alone in a foreign country, lost and confused when I had been so sure of myself for so long. I moved forward, still utterly alone, keeping a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was break and fall. I slept behind stone-cold walls, went without food or drink, worked, studied, and most of all just tried not to show anyone my tears.

This year...

I returned back to my home country, resumed my studies almost full time, got a mediocre job, received a once-in-a-life time opportunity that I am now in the process of taking. I fought both myself, my doubts, my fears, and my tears. I ovetcame myself, I triumphed over my doubts and my fears, and I learned to appreciate my tears. I have at last finished what I begun as an undergraduate and am now about to continue down my long path. Though I have faced undeniable intense hardships and have experienced more pain and suffering than a person ever should, I have made it out not barely with a breath of my life but on top, walking in full confidence, no longer caring if anyone can see the scars on my heart and soul but instead just hoping they see the bright smile on my face.

They say, "I don't know how you did it. I would have died if I were you." I say to them, and to you, "Just love and you will win."

Love! That is the answer to all things, and I am not speaking of merely romantic love in the slightest. Love of yourself that is not in the form of self-absorption but of the mere idea that you are living and finding a purpose, love of life itself, love of your friends, your family, your community, love of those you love, and cherishing every. single. breath. I am loved! I love! I love my studies, my accomplishments, even my wounds that have tried to bring me down because without them what strength would I have? I love my friends, I love everyone who said, "I knew you could do it," and even those who told me I couldn't because I just proved them wrong and with a smile on my face to boot! I just... love. It has been a wind softly blowing and all I had to do was spread my wings.

Just love, and even in the darkest of times the sun will rise.

I am... love. And I will continue to spread that love in the hope that one day we shall all walk together in confidence of our dreams and our destinies, whatever we decide them to be.

Let's all love and grow and we will all be able to watch the sunrise.

I believe.

I really do.

o13; news!

2008-06-24T04:46:09Z

I'm pleased to announce that yesterday I was officially accepted into East China Normal University's graduate studies programme! I will be doing an intensive study in Mandarin Chinese for one year and then followed by three years of the M.A. programme. I cannot wait to start! I'll get my Ph.D, just you wait! :D

Here's a few things on my mind...

- I am going to need to bring books. I would like the first three books of Kushiel's Legacy in paperback to take with me (the hardcover versions I have are far too heavy). I also need to purchase the workbook for 「げんき 2」 at 未来 so I can keep up with my Japanese while I'm over there (memo to self: don't forget your kanji dictionary!). I also need to get, at my tutor's insistence, that "Easy Hebrew in 10 Minutes a Day" book and probably that one American Sign Language book that Amie's been teaching me out of. I don't want to lose the little Hebrew and Sign Language I've been learning!
- Must smash laptop soon to get new laptop for Shanghai. D:
- Need to make a list of "things I'd wished I'd had each time I went to Shanghai and kicked myself later for not having".
- Must double-check with Wang about getting a part-time job on a student visa
- Must lose more weight D:
- Don't forget to bring painting set to China!

I can't believe it; less than two weeks until he comes! I am SO nervous it's almost dreadful.

Wednesday is my final day of class as an undergrad, which means I can finally indulge in things I've wanted to do for a while after that! It'll be the first time since 2003 that I won't be in school, I kid you not. I've been in school every single semester since I was a freshman in college. So, I have a list of J-dramas I'd like to check out, such as 1 Litre of Tears, Dear Friends, etc. I also want to master the art of bentou boxes. I bought a book on it, but haven't even gotten around to cooking yet or even trying to. I need to buy a new bentou box anyway.

Just two months until I'm back in Shanghai going to Tai Chi in the morning, eating crab onigiri and drinking milk tea, and dancing at nightttttttt~

I'd better get to sleep; I'm going to the gym in the morning and then to my Hebrew lesson. Have a good day, everyone!

o12; about me/meme

2008-06-23T14:20:44Z

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? Since when?" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

1. Name: Jaenelle Yukina. Most people shorten my Japanese name to Yuna or a variant, Yunie (yes, think FFX!).

2. Age: ...23. I feel waaaaay too old. Come January of '09, I'll officially be in my mid-twenties! Woe!

3. Location: Right now I live in Michigan, but in August I'm moving to Shanghai, China for the next four years. Yes, I am super excited. XD

4. Occupation: At the moment I'm finishing my undergrad (I'm done on WEDNESDAY OMG) and working as a hostess part-time until August. Then I will be a graduate student + probably working part-time as an English teacher some place for extra monies. XD

5. Partner: ...It's not official, but if I am very lucky and it becomes so... just know that I less than 3 them. A lot. XD

6. Kids: ...maybe I'll adopt someday. Maybe.

7. Brothers/Sisters: Technically I have no siblings, but when Papa Ni and Dad Shang adopted me, I got their offspring as siblings. XD

8. Pets: I had a dog, Shadow, but she died my senior year of high school.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:

1. I'm going to ECNU in the autumn as a graduate student
2. On July 7th, a very special someone is coming to visit me
3. I'm... having difficulties with my health as of late. There's a cyst in my thyroid and we're praying it's not cancer. D:

10. What did you go to school for? LOL I went to college originally because I didn't have a choice, because my parents said I should, because society said I should. Originally I was a creative writing major because I was rather good at writing and it was something to major in. But after my China trip, I changed my major twice before I settled down with what I am graduating with: Liberal Studies with an emphasis in Chinese literature, philosophy, and language. I'm going to graduate school for Chinese literature and language and probably won't be finished with school until I get my Ph.D.

11. Parents: My biological family... I'd rather not dwell on. But I have a beautiful extended Chinese family that loves me as much as I love them.

12. Close Friends: Steph, Paine, Rikku, wakka, he-whom-I-less-than-3, a certain Chinese former love interest, Wendy, Eri, Shucha, Shaye, Brooke, and I'm sure I shall gather more friends as time goes by. I have been blessed with MANY friends, and in spite of my horrid past, a wonderful future surrounded by love.

o11; if not graduate school, then I pilgrimage

2008-06-23T01:57:46Z

Things are... complicated where graduate school is concerned. I am frustrated, and I just want a clear yes or no on my acceptance status. However... if I don't get accepted, I have decided that come September I am going on the 88 Temple Pilgrimage in Shikoku, Japan. Half the beauty of the two China trips I journeyed on was the climbing mountains to temples or other sacred/historical sites. Those cleansed me, and I know these will too. I also know that I have the mental discipline to handle such a pilgrimage.

I have found another guide to the pilgrimage here. Rikku and Gina will be in ECNU as they've been accepted and Steph's enrolled in massage school right now, so if I go, then perhaps Paine will come with me if she can afford it. If not, then I will journey alone. I have no problem journeying alone.

While it's true that I would rather go to ECNU and I'm a bit sad about it because I was very ready to begin down my path for my Ph.D, I think I will need an experience like this to heal after all that I've been through since January when I was forced to return to America in the first place.

o10; long time no post!

2008-06-18T21:14:47Z

I'm so sorry I've been away, everyone! At least, away from Scribbld. I've been so busy; my final class as an undergrad is ending next week and I've begun new things such as getting tutored in American Sign Language (ASL) and Hebrew. I'm also tutoring my ASL tutor in Mandarin Chinese and working part-time, so all this combined with school makes me very busy.

I'm to hear from East China Normal University (ECNU) within the next 48 hours and find out officially if I get the scholarship and admitted into their Masters programme. I'm a bit nervous!

Less than three weeks until he comes to see me. ♥

Well, I'm being called to dinner, so I must go. Take care, everyone.

oo9; the last day of volunteering

2008-06-10T18:42:20Z

Today was my last day at the high school as a Japanese class volunteer. I'm a bit disappointed as it was a lot of fun, but oh well, school's out for the summer! The craziest moment was this...

Rosen-sensei: ・・・来年の新しい日本語の先生。(...and the new Japanese teacher next year.)
Me: え？？　新しい日本語の先生？？(Eh? A new Japanese teacher?)
Mamiko: そうか？日本人でしょう？ (Oh? Japanese person?)
Rosen-sensei: いや、アメリカ人。(No, American.)
Me: *jokes* 何、私じゃない? (What, not me?)
Rosen-sensei: 中国に行かなかったら・・・(If you weren't going to China...) *switches to English* the principal was going to ask you if you wanted the job.
Me: ........... 本当？！(Really?!?!)

Wow.

Me, the new Japanese teacher at the high school? Not that I... couldn't handle it, but... wow. That's an honour. However, I would not like to be stuck in my hometown the rest of my life, and free graduate school awaits me in Shanghai, so off to Shanghai I go! However... that's good to keep in mind, especially for recommendations for future jobs.

At the end of the day, one of the students, Diana, asked me if she wouldn't mind if I tutored her in Japanese this summer. I don't mind at all! She can even invite some of her classmates. I offered to do it for free, but she said she wouldn't do that so we negotiated. I earned $27 an hour teaching English, but for a high school student I won't do that. So, I asked for $10 an hour. I hope that's a reasonable price. I'm also tutoring Amie in Mandarin Chinese but we're exchanging languages. She teaches me Sign Language, I teach her Mandarin. Fair is fair. :P

Anyway, Mamiko-san and I went out to lunch after class. We went to ふみレストラン. It was VERY good, as usual, but I was very sad that they didn't have かつカレ so I settled for やきそば instead, even though I can make やきそば at home no problem. I am really going to miss Mamiko.

Okay. I'm off. I am going swimming to enjoy the beautiful day and then to study with Steph! Take care, everyone~

oo5; Cedar Point

2008-06-06T13:17:32Z

CEDAR POINT WAS EPIC~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know, Cedar Point is an amusement park located in the state of Ohio (which... really has nothing in it. At all. Except Cedar Point.) that is on a little peninsula and surrounded by one of the five Great Lakes, Lake Erie. It is famous for its many excellent roller coasters.

We awoke around seven in the morning, I had my morning coffee with vanilla caramel creamer and then we left. Breakfast was not had. None of us, except Steph, really, are breakfast eaters. It was me, Steph, Rikku, and her cousin Lee (who has been adopted into the Gullwings and officially nicknamed Buddy... which makes me laugh because come to think of it, we always called him Buddy Lee, anyay, so ha!).

We hit almost every roller coaster worth riding (except the Magnum... oops) and even repeated Millenium Force and Topthrill Dragster.

You have to understand that the Topthrill Dragster shoots you up at 140 mph (and I believe you reach speeds faster than that as you go down) at a 90 degree angle straight up with 100,000 horsepower. You will wonder why you did this as a first time rider. You will think you set yourself up to die. I know I did. I was repeating to myself, "I am so stupid, I am so stupid, I am going to die, I am going to d-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY #$#%#^%# GOD!!!!!"

Really. That thing even makes me swear my head off, and I hate swearing. That's how scary this thing is, lol!

However, it is SO much fun. The second time I went on, we rode in the VERY FRONT so we could SEE THAT DROP. I kind of forgot about the bug factor (bugs will hit you, and they will die on you, and you will feel gross).

In conclusion, we are going again next month. I want to take him there, and I know he'll love it. I also want MOAR FRIENDS TO GO, PLS. I can't express how upset I was that Gina couldn't go. ;_;

The ride back home around 10 p.m. wasn't too bad. It's a two-hour drive one-way, and to keep myself awake while driving I played some VERY old-school music (like... 90s hip-hop and/or dance music, such as 69 Boyz 'Tootsie Roll' and Real McCoy's 'Another Night, Another Dream' or House of Pain's 'Jump Around'. I think Lee wants to kill me, rofl!). But... someone please clean my car. It has bugs all over it from the 60 mph on the expressway over the lake. D:

Me: Is it... raining? *hears the loud TAP TAP TAP*
Steph: No...?
Me: No wait... that's... OH MY GOD. IT'S BUGS. THEY'RE... THEY'RE JUST DYING ALL OVER MY WINDSHIELD.
Rikku: EWWWWWWW HAHAHA.
Me: MY... MY WINDSHIELD, OH MY GOD. *tries to use wiper fluid and her wipers* IT'S NOT COMING OFF. ;___________;

All in all, an A+ of an adventure.

Today I have to work, I am going to Steph's house to go swimming after I work, and then I'm on my own for dinner tonight, which is good. I'll just make myself a nice veggie sandwich after all that fast food junk yesterday. Tonight I'm going to study and finish the rest of Eclipse, the last of the Twilight novels. Tomorrow I'm going to (hopefully) go to Paine's house to watch the Preakness (the last of the Triple Crown horse races; go Big Brown! You can do it!)

oo4; peace and heart-talk

2008-06-04T13:53:50Z

I am VERY excited that Obama has the Democratic nominee! And... so are a lot of my foreign friends. Everywhere I traveled in the past eight years, I was always asked, "Do you like Bush/What do you think of Bush?" I always said I didn't like him (but I never let on that I felt sorry for him; to go someplace and to be booed and be hated so widely... I felt pain for him. He's a human being too!) but those that I met hated him with such a... fire that it makes me happy to know that they too are happy for the change that we believe Obama will bring.

Of course, it's highly possible that due to his inexperience in office he'll get eaten alive (figuratively speaking)...

Rikku was also ecstatic. She campaigned with her cousin Lee in Ohio back in February for their primaries, so she's very relieved. However, now we have to wonder who will run as Vice President...

I am very worried about China. I wish I could be there right now to help out with the disaster relief, but unfortunately you have to belong to certain organisations for that and I'm... kind of not a member of anything but my college. D: When I get back to Shanghai in August I'm sure they'll still be taking donations.

(A lot of people have been asking me if I am going to see the Olympics and the answer is no; the Olympics are near the beginning of the month and I will not be returning to Shanghai until near the end of the month.)

Last night he and I started talking, and he suddenly blurted out that he's very excited to come visit me next month.

(12:01 AM) Me: I need to think of stuff for us to do!
(12:01 AM) Him: Whatever comes to mind!
(12:01 AM) Him: ^^
(12:01 AM) Him: Anywhere you go, I'll follow.
(12:02 AM) Him: ... Good god that so was not a Tidus quote. Nope. Nuh-uh.
(12:02 AM) Me: yes, yes it was
(12:02 AM) Me: XDDD
(12:02 AM) Him: DIDN'T MEAN IT.
(12:02 AM) Him: XD
(12:02 AM) Me: suuuuurrreeee you didn't :P

Now I need to go shower and get ready for class. Take care, everyone!

oo3; 毎週の火曜日

2008-06-03T18:11:08Z

On Tuesdays I always volunteer at the Japanese class at my old high school. It's fun for the most part as I get to practise my Japanese, and talking with the other volunteer Mamiko-san and the other Japanese students in the class Ikue and Mari (they say they learn more English helping out their classmates than they do in ESL class!) and of course... seeing Rosen-sensei, who thinks of me like a daughter. I guess I have a good impression on teachers from East Asia, hee. I've known her for eight years... wow. How time flies! 先生は私のことを好くしてるね！

Anyway, I really do enjoy my time there and I'm very sad that next week is the last week of class. It's a pity there isn't anything I can do this summer. I'm debating putting up an ad on Craigslist enlisting myself as a Japanese tutor. I'd do Chinese also, but I worry my tones would potentially screw up someone else (my vocabulary = fantastic; my tones = not so much). I think volunteering is a lot of fun, and in a way, I enjoy it more than actually working. I don't like to think of time as actually valuable, you know? There's a saying by Confucius that goes, "It is not easy to find someone who can study for three years without thinking about earning a salary".

I invited Mamiko-san to lunch next week after class (I also invited Sensei, but Sensei is too busy with school and final exams). I hope she and I can remain in contact after I leave for Shanghai in August. Her husband also is fond of me, and they loaned me a DVD of a Zen Temple his great-great-grandfather was the senior priest of! O.O Since I'm so interested in philosophy, they thought I'd enjoy it as it speaks much of Zen philosophy. It doesn't have English subtitles, but that's fine. I don't need them, and if I don't understand something, I can ask Mamiko or Rosen-sensei later.

Speaking of lunch, I'm waiting for Steph to call. I always get hungry for Japanese food after volunteering, hee! We're going to go to ふみ for lunch. It's such a nice restaurant; not many non-Japanese go there and since I look white to most Asians, they were surprised when I came in. What really surprised me was how authentic it was...

They had NHK on the TV, and it was live broadcast from Japan! So funny to be eating dinner and seeing 「おはよう日本」on the TV. What's more was the strips of paper had items from the menu on the wall- just like in Japan! I forgot I was in Michigan and not Japan while I was in there, and I don't get that feeling very often from Japanese restaurants, even very authentic ones like あじしん.

Oh, Steph's here! Time for lunch~

oo2; He is the brightest sunset to my glowing moonrise...

2008-06-02T18:53:22Z

It's so... so funny how life works.

I was ready to sacrifice myself, quite literally, for the sake of expectations and for what I was told was the right thing. It wasn't what my heart really wanted, but I felt that... you know... maybe it would be fine to live a life of contentment instead of something... more. Maybe I didn't need more. I would still have my good friends whom I trusted with my life, and I would still have my goals, my academics, my way of following down the path of my surrogate fathers. That was okay... and it was all I needed, wasn't it?

I told him what was going on. What was intended for me. I knew he'd be worried about me. But what I didn't expect was him to panic. To be terrified.

"I'm so afraid you will never genuinely smile again, that you will lose everything..."

We kept talking and talking. I insisted I had prepared for this, that it was alright. But for him... it wasn't alright. That he felt like he should do something. That he couldn't do nothing. That his heart...

I told him to listen to his heart, it would have the answers if he felt that compelled to do something.

"...my heart wants you to be happy."
"And what about you? What does your heart want for YOU?"
"...Yuna?"
"Yes?"
"...it wants you."

How could I have been so blind all this time? He'd always put me first. Always me and my feelings and my happiness. He never talked about what he wanted. And truly, even if it had been him or not, he would have been happy as long as I was happy. That's... real love, something I never thought I'd find.

I... ruthlessly buried the idea of sacrificing myself. The details are... being taken care of. We're going to meet in a month. And I can't wait to see his beautiful blue eyes and his beautiful blonde hair at the airport when we go to pick him up.

"Yeah, you and me, we can ride on a star,
If you stay with me, (girl)
We can rule the world..."

oo1.

2008-06-01T18:07:29Z

Yay new journal and first entry!

For the record, friends? Please keep me blissfully ignorant of any e-drama that people would wish to start that has to do with me. I really don't want to know, because a true friend would approach me personally and we could talk things out like adults. I know people have acted immaturely in the past (and I won't say I'm not guilty of doing the same), but I would like to keep my journal drama-free. (And maybe if it stays drama-free, I can convince Rikku to also get a journal here, though I doubt she will; she despises Scribbld and she hasn't ever had a journal here!)

I probably won't update much, however. I am pretty busy and LiveJournal will always be my main journaling home. So many friends and so many memories, I suppose.

Anyways~!

Outside of class (which I really must study for today; I have been ignoring it for the sake of Life[tm]), I am anxiously awaiting not only the results from the scholarship committee in Beijing, but the results from my ultrasound on my tumor (D:) and my thyroid (DX). Note the emotions and how one is more sad than the other.

Yes, I have a tumor. No, I am not dying (we don't think?). We're 95% sure it's benign. And the thyroid business is sadly genetic. At least otherwise I'm healthy... healthy enough to consider signing myself up for capoeria lessons when I get back to Shanghai! It's 300 RMB a month (rather cheap!) and they meet three times a week. (Oh, if you didn't know, it's a Brasilian martial art that involves doing very crazy things such as spinning on your hands while kicking people. ^_________^ *is not violent, rly*) I found their website, CapoeriaShanghai.com. I'm quite excited.

I also found a dance studio; after I get in the swing of things and get used to capoeria + Tai Chi + classes + potentially having a part-time job I'll consider dance. Capoeria meets in Zhongshan Park, which is quite close to the university.

I am very anxious to get back, mainly because my life here is very boring. *sighs* I have one final class and then nothing for a whole month and then... practically nothing for the next. I leave at the end of August to go back to Shanghai. Oh well, at least next month has the Celtic festival and in August there's of course the Renaissance Festival. That's something at the least to look forward to. AND OF COURSE, THE TRIP TO CEDAR POINT ON THURSDAY WITH RIKKU, WAKKA, STEPH, AND LEE!!!!! ^_________^

Have a good day, everyone; I should start studying now. x.x