a torch dragged over one hay bale after another, igniting everything

I've been so worried about my money. I have to pay rent on the 20th, but I only have 55 bucks. I -had- 120, but I needed food. I didn't even buy that much and it was freaking 60 DOLLARS. I'm so mad at myself. I keep thinking that I could have gone off those last pieces of bread and then (hopefully) being going to James' and not have to worry about food. But the amount of bread I had wouldn't last me through tomorrow, so I had no choice. But still, 60 FREAKING DOLLARS. I hate buying fruits and vegetables all the time. It's so expensive. Why can't I just give in and eat junk food? It's cheap. But no. And now I don't know what to do about rent. I will probably have to ask my parents to pay for it again, because I don't know when my winter quarter loan is coming in (I doubt it will be in before rent is due).

I just feel a little ashamed of having to ask them because it makes me feel as if I wasn't responsible with my money.  Granted, there have been a time or two when I didn't think about what I was buying, but that happens, right? I'm still looking for a job, but other than Safeway (which I said no to for the distance problem), no other place has said yes to me. I'm thinking about asking to take Jak up with me to Seattle. It'll be suck to have to parallel park him every night, but a car is something I really need in order to get a chance for a job here.

On top of the money problems, all my finals are tomorrow and I'm stressing out, just a little bit. It's not that I'm not confident in it, it's just...they're finals, so of course I'm going to being freaked out about it. Not only am I having them done a week early from most others (meaning I get that extra week off for break), but I have them all on the same day, which just makes it menacing.

Suppose the bright side to all of this is that I get to stay with James for break. Heather will be sad since that means I won't be in Oak Harbor (Lisa will be sad too, for that matter). But if they really miss me, then they could always take a day trip to Olympia :D
His mother said that I will have to go home sooner than what James and I had planned. We don't know how soon that is, but I'm hoping she means like "go home Jan. 1st rather than Jan. 4th" For one thing, I want to spend as much time with him as possible, but I also don't want to end up only staying there a week and being made to come back to Seattle. Especially because his mother said that for me to stay, he has to shave off his mustache.

James is getting rid of his prized mustache for my sake. ):

I had made cereal when I got home, but 5 bites in and my once hungry tummy said "I lied, I'm not hungry. My bad." so now I just have a bowl of soggy cereal beside me.

Also, not only does my scanner not work, but now it also just ate one of my term papers. Seriously hate my printer. If I had the money, I'd buy a new one.

Ummm what else. Oh, oral presentation on Tuesday for Nowegian and then a skit the Thursday after next in Korean. OMG! So much stuffs to do! And then a final on the 12th in my Fil-Am History and Culture class. On the bright side, Thanksgiving is soon and I'm super excited for turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and an assload of gravy. And also RPing with Heather.

:D

I don't know what the hell is wrong with people. Big fiasco dealing with people abusing a bug with the Juice Lady NPC. I kicked 5 people out of my guild for their dealing in it. One of them wasn't even fucking poor to begin with! They had just gotten like 8M from a person who was quitting. I really don't get what makes people do stupid shit like that. Seriously.

On the positive side of life, I got my food handler's card, had good birthday, and applied to four jobs. I just really wish I would stop running out of food.

I knew from the moment John (James' Brother) started talking to me on MSN, that something was up. Right off the bat, You don't ask me where I'm going that day. Just...that was red flags all over the place. Still, it wasn't so bad as James who heard from his brother that I wanted to go to Safeway to buy cake mix and make mehself a birthday cake. He actually called me going "DON'T BUY CAKE MIX!"

Poor them. They really don't get how to be surprising. Still, I enjoyed James' company for my pre-birthday. Tomorrow I get to spend my real birthday in school, and working up the courage to get job applications (suddenly I'm scared about getting a job. Think because I know it means having to walk alone at night D:)

I can't shake the feeling that this is going to turn out to be a very shitty birthday.

Sorry about the language.

Weeeee
Here is the list of aliens I have run into so far while leaving mingle on in The World Ends With You, because I think some of them are hilarious:

You ran into Mr. or Ms. Right...
You ran into a nagging feeling...
You ran into Mr. or Ms. Right...
You ran into the impossible...
You ran into the impossible...
You ran into your future lover...
You ran into the guy ahead of you...
You ran into a string of bad luck...

The impossible and the guy ahead of you are my favorites so far. Makes me to laugh. *Rollz*

[Edit]: Met a couple more:

You ran into a childhood memory...
You ran into another you...

Last one is cool. XD

[Edit Edit]: You ran into your big chance...

[Edit Edit Edit]: I know, I'll stop editing these eventually...but I keep running into new ones that make me laugh! D:

You ran into Mr. or Ms. Right...
You ran into a cuckoo...
You ran into some nasty juju...
You ran into a string of bad luck...

Can you guys which one out of this bunch is my favorite? :D

[Edit^4]: Jeeze, not even five minutes after editing it, I get a new one...this one is cool though.

You ran into your shining prince...

I bet Lisa is jealous :P

[Edit^5]: You ran into the winds of change...

[Edit^6]: This is the last edit on here, I promise.

You ran into your shining prince...
You ran into hope for the future...

Right before my AAS 360 class, a man in his 60's doused himself with gasoline, and then set himself on fire in the middle of Red Square. People helped as fast as they could. Police, ambulance, and firetrucks all arrived. He was taken to Harborview.
He died later that day.
Apparently, he was a worker in UW. Red Square is now blocked off as police hope to find a reason for this display of self mutilation. They claim now it was an attempt at suicide, but if he had made it so public, there had to have been an alterior motive. They just don't know what.

It really freaked me out.

But I had a fun evening with Melanya and Becca, so my edgyness has worn off.

Tomorrow I am dressing up as an Aviator. I even have a Bomber's jacket. I won't be spending anymore money for awhile...

I made a face book. D:

I'm not really happy about it.

Originally, I just signed for an account because I needed Jared Smith's phone number, and the only person I know who has it is Kirsten, and the only way I could find any form of contact with her was by looking for her on facebook.

A week later, I have not gotten a message back from her for the number, but have gotten 4 friend invites and feel bad if I don't do anything about it.

So not a very happy Roxanne. People can like...stalk you on there. Someone made friends with me that I haven't talked to or seen since Freshman year. So creepy. And I don't even get it. Can you talk on facebook? The site is very complicated and makes me all confuzzled.

In other news, I am procrastinating on writing my paper, memorizing a monologue, and memorizing vocab words for Korean. :D I am AWESOME. I will get back to it once I finish on here. I just felt it was time I put something up. Lesee. What else. Oh, aside from the Korean stuff, I've got lots of projects and papers due in other classes, Field trip on Friday, and I also need to clean my room and go grocery shopping. Aside from the field trip on Friday, I'm going to try and get everything else done by tomorrow. I really really really want to play RO all weekend (mostly for the Halloween event that lasts Thurs, Fri, and Sat). I did part of my "List of things to do" today, so hopefully it won't take forever to do the rest. Cleaning my room is definitely going to take some time though. Need to hang up my clothes, figure out where to put my school papers, and other stuff.

Oh yeah, I had an awesome weekend with James. <3 Too bad it was so short.

( K-Z )

I'm back with D-J (I don't want to put too many because as you can see in this section a lot have still not been photoed, usually my American made PBs and that's because they don't go with the other ones, they weren't made as well and like to chip on the edges)

( D-J )

( A-C )

Never have I been jailed in any of the 4 years I've played RO until now. But I don't regret what I did at all. Sexy Time is a disgrace to guilds, and they know it.

I really don't know if I'll play RO anymore. I want to, I care for my guild, but lately, all the people on there have just made it so undesirable to play. WoE was a total disaster, Sexy Time thinks they're so powerful that they can go and use other small guilds as fucking pawns. I had respect for those small guilds until today. Now I feel like no guild but mine has any sense of dignity. I take that back. The WoE guild still does, but they have not really WoEed as of late. Noomae fears his guild is dying.

So now I'm sitting alone in a jail, where I can't do anything. I'm just sitting in a corner. On top of what happened in WoE today, I had to walk alone in Seattle at night. I'd never been so scared in my life. A scetchy guy followed me for like two blocks. I ended up running part of the way home because I was so scared that he wanted to rape me, or worse.

Those things completely override the fact that I saw a D&D improve show.

Obviously, I was really angry in that last post about my Korean Prof and UW in general. But after ranting and talking with James, I'm feeling better, and have even gotten a second wind, if you will. I still hate UW, but I'm seeing things in a different approach.

James really helped he out today. I was talking to him about it all and I realized: I'm learning Korean for HIM. I took Korean because I wanted to be able to speak James' native language. So if I don't get the best grade in Korean, fine. The thought of maybe getting a C still irritates me to no end, but I will swallow my pride because in the end it doesn't matter about grades. What matters is that I learn Korean and make James proud of me. I'm not going to let that sonovabitch Prof ruin my desire to do something I want to do for my fiance.

Yes, I said fiance. Though James hasn't actually proposed to me, him giving me a promise ring on my 18th birthday is pretty freaking close. And there's no doubt in my mind that we'll eventually get married. James puts up with all my bullshit and I love him. He even tried his best to stay up as long as I was, just so he could keep me company. He wasn't able to make it, but that's okay.

But now that I've finally finished my Korean homework, I'm going to get some sleep.

That has got to be the dumbest rule ever. I can understand the need for it, but it just...I'm angry. Since I've missed school the last couple of days, I missed a graded dialogue and test in Korean. I e-mailed asking to come in to make it up during his office hours. Apparently I can't unless I bring in a doctor's note. I didn't go to a fucking doctor, and can't just fordge a note like you would with a parent. Doctors have always done that stupid watermark, typed crap that you can't just make up. I'm pretty sure it was worth big points being on lessons 1 and 2, but now there's no freaking way to make it up. I'm already getting like a C in that class. I'm so angry that I don't even want to study for the test on Friday.
But I need to. I need to get perfect scores on the rest of these tests in order to balance out my god damn Professor's rule of sick notes.

I want to stab him. I really do.

On top of that, I was told that the job positions in the costume store were filled by a crossdresser. I need to get a job. Really bad. I still haven't finished paying tuition, and now they are starting to add on the late fees. College is going so bad for me right now, I really don't see it being worth trying to get a god damn education. There are plenty of people who make good money without even finishing high school.

Fuck UW.

Friday and Saturday was so fun. I can't even recall all the fun times I had going around to costume stores, Pike Place, conveyer belts of sushi, and seeing pumpkins as big as me.

My only regret is that I wasn't able to get Hom bow while I was at Pike Place. The girls assured me that we'll go back soon though so I can finally nab some.

Oh, and I started getting sick D: Today has been full of blowing my nose, feeling congested. I'm pretty sure I had a fever earlier too. I should be able to go to school tomorrow, but I'm thinking I'll take the day off just in case. We'll see how I feel in the morning.

I'm waiting for my AAs 360 class (about an hour until then), so I'm just hitting in the TV lounge of the HUB, listening to music and surfing the net. And of course, catching glimpses of daytime dramas. The TV is always on channel 4,5, or 7, so I get to see Days of Our Lives, the Bold and the Beautiful, and a bunch of other dramas during the week. I have to say, everyone is always so stern looking, and the way they talk is just sofictional. It's very slow and deliberate. And of course, they is ALWAYS close ups. It really makes me laugh, because they are just so unbelieveable to me. I think I much prefer my Asian dramas. They seem much more realistic to me. (: (nevermind that everyone always seems to be fainting for one reason or another XD)

I feel bad about talking with Lisa last night. I pretty much said I'm miserable here in college. It's not really ture, it's not like I'm having suicidal thoughts or anything. I just feel like I should be doing other things. Everyday, I go to class, come home to do homework and study, play RO, then go to bed. It just makes me feel a litlte unachieved. I want to do things that make me feel good, like writing a one shot and feeling proud of the story, or drawing. Even leveling on RO would be good, but I'm such a high level already, that it's hard to achieve that goal. Meh. I'm just being grouchy. I mean I have made friends here, I just don't really hang out with them beyond walking to next class. At the same time, it's not something I really want. I live so far from campus that I really don't want people calling me, asking to go out.

But I am being picked up today by Bacca. Asian Lisa and her are allowing me to do laundry at their house, so I'll be doing that once classes are done. Got a couple of tests tomorrow that I should study for, but I really don't think I will. I'm tired of doing nothing but studying (when I say I play RO, it's usually me sitting and leeching off of Heather [Edward] while I'm afk studying).

Maybe I'll try to cheer myself up by buying some ice cream if I have the time today.

One more thing. Tomorrow, tuition is due. I'm $550 short because my loan still hasn't be disbursted to me. If I don't get it by tomorrow, I'm going to have to pay a $500 fee on top of what I already owe. No to mention fees because they will overdraw on my checking account. Bills are due in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure how this is going to all work out, and to be honest, it makes me really scared thinking about it.

It is freezing out today. @_@ *Is huddled on the floor with a blanket*

*Lies on the floor because sitting at my table is uncomfortable*

I find that I narrate my life to myself ALL THE TIME. I thought about it this morning, then got mad at myself because I want narrating THAT. It's pretty sad but funny at the same time. In my brain, I am a character in a book (or just constantly writing in a journal about my thoughts) XD

I don't remember if I said this, but the pizza I bought, I finally cooked (and used my lanlord's knife to cut it when he wasn't around >_>). But it tasted horrible and made me feel a little sick. So I don't think I'll be wanting pizza for awhile. What I really miss is Asian food. My roommate gave me brown rice to cook, but I found that I'm not really fond of it. It's consistency is nothing at all like white rice. I really want shopao and humbao. Hopefully Heather gets a job soon, because she said the weekend after she gets her first check, she'll come up to see me. So we will go to Pike Place and buy delicious humbao and other foods, and look around at things for sale.

I should ask my mommy to buy and send me shopao. *sob* I can't even cook lumpia here because I don't have a pan or oil, and I'm trying my best not to go to the grocery store all this week.

And the water here still tastes nasty D:

Time to do my homework.

I've gone to the grocery store 3 times this week, and it makes me feel bad spending money on food, which doesn't last long, and am continually forgetting to buy things I needed (like I have yet to get salt and pepper). Also, I bought a frozen pizza as a treat for me, but I realize that I have nothing to cut it with. So I guess I won't be making it for a long time. The urge to just buy a ton of hotpockets for convenience is strong. But I shant give in. Cause they are expensive ):

I have had a total of 4 tests and a presentation this week. ]: <

Also, I've got the suspicion that the other lady that rents a room here takes some sort of drug, because she was acting very strangely last night, and it was freaking me out. I'm hoping she was just loopy from maybe being sick or something, but so far I haven't gotten a lot of good experiences.
The Safeway that I go to regularly has drunks and druggies there. It's scary.

By the way, I did not sleep well last night. No idea why. And my dream was all about me going to a buffet. I'm mad because all the food there was the same as the stuff you get at Happy Dragon. I wanna go there now and eat the dessert I had dubbed "Great Nature" ):

I'm mad at myself to sounding emo last night. Guess I just got really frustrated. I actually had a good day yesterday, and a rather decent day today (so far).

Last night I cooked for Lisa (Asian Lisa). I cooked us steak, scalloped potatoes (au gratin), and green beans (that was from a can but shhhh). I don't really get to cook or clean, so being able to do it at her house it just fun. I really like to cook, especially for others. And boy did I make a good dinner. Wish I could more often, but I just don't have the funds to buy all this food to cook. As of now, I just finished eating a salad. o: Didn't see that comin, did ya! Roxanne's turning into a rabbit. XD But veggies and fruit is really all I can afford. Which is fine. *Rollz*

It's only noon, but I suppose I'll get my homework done now so I can have the rest of the evening to relax. Oh, and just remembered that WoE is today. So need to get on for that.

I still hate Korean, but I'm going to force through getting it down.

Lately, I feel like James hasn't cared for me as much. I don't know what's going on, but I feel really lonely.