So lately I haven't been very active D: I've even been playing Cabal with him less. The reason? My body does this thing where it decides to hate me. Specifically, my stomach and my back.

My stomach has this thing where it'll just start aching. Not like, an inner ache like you're hungry, but this muscle-ache. And I have no idea why. Mom says it may be gas, because gas can hurt really bad sometimes, but aaaugh. Whatever it is I want it to knock it the hell off D:

My back has also been doing this thing lately (ironically, mostly when I go to start playing Cabal) where it hurts to the point that I can barely breathe. It's almost like I pulled something in the way that I can hardly move my head. Guhh. It happened again last night and just whaaat the hell.

Angerrr.

That and, yesterday I had to kind of stay up from 5am (after all two to three hours of sleep I had before that) till about...I think I napped at like 6 and woke up at 8. So I was sooo awfully tired then. I'm still kinda feeling it, even though I slept a bit last night into this morning.

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Tuesday is dentist again, and a nearly thousand dollar dent in my bank account, but it'll be worth it. They assure me that not only will my gums feel better, but my teeth will be whiter? o.o;? I'm kind of wary about that because of the fillings I have in or around the front. I'm kinda worried they'll show if my teeth are whitened. But she assured me they won't, so uhh...I guess I'll trust her? XD

I really hope I can make therapy after that :/ it's gonna be close. I didn't want an appointment on Tuesday, but I was kind of pressured into it ._.; My dental hygienist weirds me out kind of. She's nice and all, but she super tries to drive the point home (even it's a point I'm already obviously familiar with) and that's uh...kinda not the way to handle me. I like my dentist cause he came in, took a look at the X-rays and it went something like this:

Him: You have a cavity in the upper right in the back
Me: Yup, that's the one we're planning to do next.
Him: And we have to work on that front row at some point.
Me: Mm-hm.
Him: *looks from X-rays to me* So you know all this?
Me: Yup~!
Him: *looks at hygienist* She knows. Have a good day!

XD My dentist rules. ♥

I guess I can come off as passive when people tell me what needs to be done next with my teeth, but it's not because I'm brushing off what they're saying. I mean, if that were the case, I wouldn't spend God knows how much time there. I see what needs to be done and schedule appointments accordingly. It's all stuff I'm in the process of working on o.O; You can't just do it all in one day, because my dentist oh, I don't know, has other patients? Plus you need time to actually, oh, heal after a procedure before you start on another one?

I dunno, man. I'm just inherently uncomfortable when my teeth are being put under a microscope, because some dentists in the past have loved making me feel like some disfigured monster to look at my teeth o.O; I mean they were never terribly bad. They've never been some abnormal color (aside from I guess off-white from caffeine stains) or anything like that, I've just had a damnload of cavities, some of which have gotten fairly bad. Then again I hope the last dentist I went to around here and every hooker in his office all get the crap beaten out of them anyway, because they were awful people. I mean clearly if somebody is coming to you for help, you help them. You don't sit there berating them and telling them how much help they need o.O I wonder what they'd do to see someone that actually had awful teeth. They made me feel like a carnival sideshow, lord knows what they'd do to someone that actually would elicit a gasp of surprise. They'd probably sell tickets, the bastards. I hope they go out of buisness so badly. Nobody deserves to be treated the way I was treated there.

But I digress.

Because of my time with awful dentists that lacked proper tact, I've become sensitive to people putting my teeth under a microscope, especially people that are the type to give me the "Ooohh, that's not good" look. Um, duh? o_O If it were, I wouldn't be here?

The hygienist was kind of giving me those looks, which unnerved me a lot, but all in all she was nice. She never said anything like "Oooh, this is bad" or anything, so props for that. My teeth are actually a lot better than they were when I first started going there, there's just weird inflammation over on the bottom right (I think it has something to do with a filling that took strangely).

Lately whenever I see my teeth in the mirror, more and more I like what I see. Granted I won't be 100% again because of the shadows left by my last filling unless I get veneers, but for now I can deal. They're imperfect and they're mine (funny how I think of my teeth the way I think of my body -- not the ideal of beauty these days, but it's who I am. Any imperfection just shows where I've been and what I've done [all hail the scar on my hand from getting a freezer pizza out of the oven! That's me in a nutshell]).

Of course I still hurt for the days where they were perfect. I do miss my old smile, and I hate that we let the cavities get this far. But I understand that things kept coming up and that it couldn't be helped. I didn't always have the fantastic dentist that I have now, but lord knows I wish I had.

Okay I'm rambling. Abridged version: Back hurts, stomach hurts, too stupidly tired to converse beyond "buuuhhh?", dental work.