Yakov Jerkoff

Boredom, brought to you by the letter B and the word "ennui".

2008-11-26T06:35:49Z

Do you guys like to have fun? Sure you do, unless you're soulless.

Then come check this shit out.

If enough of you are interesting in playing (it gets addictive from the get-go), I can make us a special group to be in :D

sexandpolitics @ 2008-11-19T05:16:00

2008-11-19T10:19:42Z

http://www.tampabays10.com/news/mostpop/story.aspx?storyid=94328&provider=top

You'd think that being a mascot would be one of the safer jobs as far as security goes. Apparently not.

For the record, Raymond is fucking awesome and Kelly made Raymond awesome. Raymond's the AL's own Phillie Phanatic and... this sucks ;____________;

If her successor makes Raymond suck I'm going to be beyond pissed.

With a hot poker.

2008-11-19T09:46:19Z

Fuck the economy.

(Adding more words because it's strange for me to have a three-word post. That sums up my feelings right about now. Details when I'm not so sleepy.)

plays meme

2008-11-19T05:45:04Z

RULES:
1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold what best applies to you.
4. Put all twelve months under a journal cut.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. ~~Attracts others~~ and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. ~~Needs no motivation.~~ Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. ~~Sickness usually in the ear and neck.~~ Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

[Unknown LJ tag]

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tense. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but those not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

sexandpolitics @ 2008-11-13T02:30:00

2008-11-13T08:57:40Z

I was so steeped in October baseball that I'm not into football as much as I was in previous seasons. I've watched a few games -- wow the Saints' defense sucks even harder than last season, and I thought that last year's defensive lineup was sucktacular. Also our special teams bloooowwwwwww! Our kicker blew two games this season. It's kinda sad when you want the rookie to take over.

I just want baseball to come back ;_______;

__

I'm seeing all this drama on my friends page now and I have absolutely no fucking clue what's going on and honestly, I'm glad I'm not involved in the slightest. I am SO out of the loop now it's quite funny.

sexandpolitics @ 2008-11-08T17:01:00

2008-11-08T22:07:42Z

Come play Forumwarz with me! It's delightfully offensive and strangely addicting! If you want to friend me on there, I'm Tuesday. In addition to the regular Forumwarz, there's also a multi-player mode, so if we're on at the same time we can make many lulz.

sexandpolitics @ 2008-11-08T02:02:00

2008-11-08T07:03:20Z

Read a goddamn book, your body needs water so drink that shit. I rarely post youtube videos but this is awesome

What a year!

2008-11-05T08:42:30Z

The Giants beat the hated Patriots in a nail-biter Super Bowl.
I got married.
The Rays went from perennial cellar-dwellers to one of the ultimate Cinderella teams.
Rays win the pennant.

And now...

BARACK OBAMA IS PRESIDENT.

God I love 2008.

Go away Family Guy.

2008-11-03T02:21:49Z

Wow, Family Guy is lame.

In fact, it's been pretty lame ever since it came back from cancellation, to be honest. Some things should just stay canceled, no matter how good they may have been.

The conundrum of nothing on the telly, or, I miss you baseball come baaaaaaack

2008-11-02T06:34:04Z

It's funny what October baseball can do to a gal. Now we're halfway into football season, and most of the way through college football season -- and I really haven't been following it extensively the way I did last year (or the year before that, for that matter). USF's having a painfully average season, and with the loss to Cincy, have dropped off the rankings. The Saints defense sucks yet again this year, holding back our terrific offense (BREESUS <3). Deuce tested positive for drugs, or really, drug-masking diuretics. Why, Deuce, why? :(

And that's about it really.

Uh, how much longer 'til baseball season starts up again? April? FUUUUUUUUUCK. Maybe they'll have spring training games on teevee. I would go to the spring training games if they weren't like an hour and a half to two hours away now.

Oh yeah, and King of the Hill got cancelled, too. At least they'll have enough episodes left to run through '09, but that breaks my heart. At least the show was consistently good throughout its lifespan, unlike the Simpsons or Family Guy.

Project Runway's done 'til next year. In fact, all the good shows on Bravo have wrapped up for the season, leaving me with atrocities like Real Housewives (gag). This year's USA version of Kitchen Nightmares hasn't been living up to expectations (the editing is worse oh god and I didn't think it could have gotten any worse). Once South Park's latest run is over in early December, I really won't have much to watch on the telly. I miss baseball. :(

Maybe I'll go out and hike more.

GRAMMAR 101 Lesson #1: Apostrophes

2008-10-24T22:40:33Z

I'm sick and tired of seeing this epidemic of apostrophe misuse. This is mainly directed toward the field of journalism, which is dumbing down quicker than children's television. Can someone say "Tinky-Winky" for me?

RIGHT: One of a parent's main fears is for her child to go missing.
WRONG: Parent's all around the world want their children to be safe and happy.

An apostrophe denotes possession. In the first sentence, fear belongs to the parent. The parent possesses fear, therefore an apostrophe is appropriate. In the second sentence, parents should be plural, because it is talking about multiple parents. There is no possession declared in this sentence.

Here's another example.

RIGHT: The Rays are going to the World Series.
WRONG:The Ray's are perhaps one of the most talented teams in baseball.

"Rays" is a team name. Most of the time, team names are plural (there are exceptions, such as the Alabama Crimson Tide and the Utah Jazz). The usage of the apostrophe is wrong in the second sentence because not only is there no possession denoted in the sentence, the correct way to use an apostrophe for most team names would be:

RIGHT: Things are going the Rays' way.
RIGHT: The Saints' defense and special teams are terrible. Gramatica should be booed off the field.
RIGHT: Who would have thought that the Patriots' offense would fall flat this year?

And here's another wrong example:
WRONG: Wow, the Ram's suck this year.

Here's one more.

RIGHT: It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood.
WRONG: It's fur is matted and dirty.

Alas, this is one of the most common grammatical problems. It's is a contraction that means "it is". Read your sentence out loud. If "it is" does not work in your sentence, it will be "its".

Here's the second sentence with "it is" substituted for "it's". Doesn't this sound funny?
It is fur is matted and dirty.

If you said that out loud, we'd laugh at you. If you wrote that, we'd also laugh at you.

Please think of your third-grade education before writing. I'm pretty sure all of you passed the third grade. Please write like you have.

WEEEEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

2008-10-20T06:38:35Z

THE RAYS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES OMFG

I AM SO SERIOUSLY STOKED RIGHT NOW

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Ridin' down the highway
Goin' to a show
Stop in all the by-ways
Playin' rock 'n' roll
Gettin' robbed
Gettin' stoned
Gettin' beat up
Broken boned
Gettin' had
Gettin' took
I tell you folks
It's harder than it looks

It's a long way to the top
If you wanna rock 'n' roll

sexandpolitics @ 2008-10-19T02:39:00

2008-10-19T06:42:22Z

I wish it didn't have to come down to this, but it did.

You want me?
Well, come on and break the door down
You want me?
Fucking come on and break the door down
I'm ready

plus the obligatory

Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feeeeeeeeeeeelinnnnnnnnng

Captain Obvious' Fact #23

2008-10-18T21:57:03Z

I've known this for a long time, but bagpipes in rock music are like the most awesome thing ever.

The Offical Campaign to Forbid TBS From Ever Showing Another Playoff Game Ever

2008-10-18T08:20:15Z

So nice I have to mention it twice!

http://www.overthemonster.com/2008/10/16/636078/playoff-announcers-a-modes

This speaks truth.

Something both Rays fans (me) and Red Sox fans (that blog) can wholeheartedly agree on (other than Yankees hate). We should team up to launch the TBS announcers into the sun. And Frank, too. We should have done that today if that were to be effective for tomorrow's game though. I wish there was some way TBS could know how many household televisions are on mute because their announcing is atrocious.

I pledge this, humble sirs and madames:

Have Rays-oriented commentary in this area (free Dewayne and Joe PLEASE). Have Red Sox-oriented commentary in the New England area. Everywhere else gets a couple of unbiased, intelligent announcers. All should know WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. These guys on TBS? They have absolutely no fucking clue. They think we win games because of catwalks and our former sucky GM WHO HASN'T BEEN WITH THE TEAM IN TWO YEARS (ROFL), they think the Sox win their games because David Ortiz is clutch and the green monster (also ROFL).

thank god for radio broadcast, that shit is going on mute.

edit: I think, with all goofiness intended, that this series will also decide who wins the presidency. You heard it here first. Guess who represents who (the colors match up to party colors). If that happens I'll be all like :O :O :O :O haha.

The bird is the word.

2008-10-17T04:45:53Z

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT.

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE IT.

HULK SMASH. HULK SMASH YOU IN THE NADS.

That is all.

PS: TBS and its jokes of "sportscasters" need to go fuck themselves for being the worst jinxes on earth plus knowing nothing about baseball. And that fatass Frank too. Your show sucks buddy and no one is going to watch it no matter how many times they repeat your horrid commercial with your flat, boring, hackneyed, overdone Dubya impersonation. And seeing adverts pop up for your godawful travesty of a sketch comedy show IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING GAME make me want to reach into my television set and punch you square in your bloated face. Words cannot describe how much I just want you to fall off the face of the planet and into total obscurity.

Also a great big fuck you to whoever that guy is who wears those ridiculous '70's looking suits that look like they came straight from the Anchorman set. He looks more ridiculous than Rod Roddy ever did, and Rod Roddy was made of awesome anyway, so it didn't matter how many sequinned blazers or goofy-looking ties he wore, at least Rod Roddy didn't jinx the fucking game by talking to Chuck Lamar, and the only good thing Chuck Lamar ever did was sign BJ Upton and Carl Crawford. I say good riddance; TBS wanted to hop all over his boner.

And what a boner it was. And not the happy, excited kind of boner.

I know what TBS stands for! Talk Bullshit!

... maybe they just wanted to win the series at home. Go get 'em on Saturday. I'll be watching, and awaiting nervously.

sexandpolitics @ 2008-10-15T00:38:00

2008-10-15T06:02:00Z

Ever since I re-watched that South Park episode "Guitar Queer-O", I can't get Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son" out of my head. All I can think of is Randy playing it on real guitar and Cartman saying afterwards, "That's gay, Mr. Marsh."

I can't believe my team is one win away from going to the WORLD FUCKING SERIES. I'm cautiously optimistic -- Boston has come back twice against being down 3-1, including last year. However, I think we've got a good chance.

My final thoughts:

Don't pull the thing out unless you plan to bang
Bombs over Baghdad
Don't even bang unless you plan to hit something
Bombs over Baghdad

It sounds so dirty, but whatever. That is all. XD

I have tix and you don't.

2008-10-08T06:16:22Z

Goin' to the first game of the ALCS on Friday -- Rays vs. Red Sox. It has come down to this, a bitter rivalry between two AL East teams that boils down to the league championship. I expect it to be totally nuts. Getting there early so we can can go check out the stingray tank and the baseball museum before the game. :)

Chris' dad will be down here from VA visiting this week, so we got him a ticket as well.

Look for me on teevee guys! Game starts at 8 p.m. I'll be in the nosebleeds way down the third base line, more than likely holding a sign (or clutching a hot dog)

sexandpolitics @ 2008-10-04T15:26:00

2008-10-04T19:30:48Z

I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY ALCS TICKETS GUYS

I'm so excited! We're TOTALLY going. We're pretty sure the game's going to be us vs. Red Sox at this point, and our rivalry with the Red Sox has become almost as big as the rivalry between them and the Yankees... so I expect full pandemonium. Maybe someone will get threatened with Tasers again. XD

MOHAWKS
BLUE AND YELLOW
COWBELLS
EXCITEMENT

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

*breaks out cardboard paper to make signs*

sexandpolitics @ 2008-10-03T17:09:00

2008-10-03T21:32:09Z

I feel like belting out Queen. I dunno, Queen just sounds so... celebratory. XD

I know "We Will Rock You" and "We Are The Champions" are the obvious tunes, but... my celebratory tunes have become "Fat Bottomed Girls" and "Don't Stop Me Now"

"We Are The Champions" shall be reserved for the future.

Like anyone cares about me talking about baseball anyway.

I've just about given up on writing because of the state the profession's in. It's become a joke. Writing has become a big fat joke.

Metromix has really turned me off to writing. Maybe it's a phase I'm going through. Maybe I just need to get away for a couple of months. Give me a few packs of good beer, a beach to catch some rays on, a body of water to search for sand dollars and cool-looking shells, the tide to watch go in and out -- and maybe I'll be good. I think Nathalie editing my article to read like a piece of shit really threw my creative streak and inspiration totally off its axis into outer space.

sexandpolitics @ 2008-10-02T18:59:00

2008-10-02T23:04:59Z

HI GRANT BALFOUR IS MADE OF WIN.

Also, EVAN LONGORIA and his two home runs <333333

Yes, we won. :D

sexandpolitics @ 2008-09-29T16:04:00

2008-09-29T20:13:44Z

Guys, in the immortal words of Han Solo: I've got a bad feeling about this.

I am feeling very nervous about the economy. It looks like it's teetering on the edge of something EXTREMELY UGLY. Banks have failed (and have been subsequently bought, thank whatever for that). Businesses have gone under or have filed for bankruptcy in a short span of time, from giants like Bear Stearns to local companies like once-great Tampa-area seafood chain Shells and our weekly alt-paper. Families across the United States are hurting for money for food to put on the table, pay off their bills, and keep the lights on. Jobs are disappearing.

I'm urging ALL OF YOU TO VOTE THIS NOVEMBER. If you are 18 and over and haven't registered to vote, register today! Granted, we might be too far fucked for the next president to be effective within his term, but IT MATTERS. Imagine the difference if we'd voted Hoover in for another term rather than one of the best presidents in US history, FDR. FDR only saw slow change in his first term, too.

A wrong choice (and not just for President, Congress too!) could spell depression. Let's make our voices heard.

sexandpolitics @ 2008-09-27T01:39:00

2008-09-27T05:40:10Z

RAYS ARE THE AL EAST CHAMPIONS!

Damn, it feels so fucking good to say that. We are the BEAST of the EAST!

(thanks yankees for making this all possible, beating the red sox)

Tomorrow I'm going to break out all the good beer. :D

sexandpolitics @ 2008-09-21T01:42:00

2008-09-21T05:47:17Z

RAYS CLENCH THE PLAYOFFS

RAYS CLENCH THE PLAYOFFS

RAYS CLENCH THE PLAYOFFS!

This is the first time EVER that we've done this... or had a winning season, for that matter. This is beautiful. This is a beautiful season. I wish I was there, but I was at the game last night during a historic first overturned call by use of instant replay in MLB :D

I'll post those pics when I get new batteries for my camera (my camera died in the fifth inning, right after the historic overturned call)

MAN I'M SO STOKED. If we can clench the division I'll be even more stoked. I'll throw a party in the street, dammit! We deserve it!

sexandpolitics @ 2008-09-15T20:43:00

2008-09-16T00:50:21Z

OMFG I THINK KAZMIR (Rays pitcher) BLEW THIS GAME ON PURPOSE. ...and if not, there'd better be something physically wrong with him because WHAT THE FUCK.

Also, a big WTF to Maddon for not pulling him until the damage was WAY TOO DEEP to come back.

I know there's tinfoil hat conspiracy theories floating out there that suggest that MLB itself or another large financial power (gamblers, ala the Black Sox conspiracy?) is buying them out to sacrifice their playoff chances, and I know that's silly as hell, but damned if the moves by Kazmir looked deliberate.

wwwwwwwwwwhaaaaat the fuckkkkkkkkkkkk.

I had to change the channel because I was feeling like hurling something at the TV. :(