I don't know what to say.

On the one hand, Obama is president. I feel so much more hope and possibility now than I did last week. The news came yesterday while I was in rehersal: my stage manager's mother texted her, and she interrupted our runthrough to say "You guys, Obama is president!" That completely disrupted rehersal for a while, of course. There were jumpings up and down, and screamings, and cryings, and our director let us go in time to catch the last half of his acceptance speech. I cried again, because yes we can.

On the other hand, Prop 8 passed. Words cannot express my disappointment and sadness. There are so many people in California now who cannot enjoy a basic human right, because the church-based groups mistook the government for a religious authority. That's basically all it is, and it makes me hurt inside. On the bright side, I suppose, those who are already married will stay married. There's nothing people can do about that. But those who were going to get married? They have nothing now, and I cannot understand the kind of mind that would accept or encourage that.

On the right foot, our government is so very clunky and impossible and slow to act that it's really hard to get anything irredeemably stupid done. I have hope that with Obama as president, we may be able to overturn Prop 8, either by reamending the California constitution or by fighting it up to the Supreme Court. I believe that someday we can make this better, and I believe that we have hope now, which we didn't have before.

Also, Prop 4 is looking like it's not going to pass. Which makes me happier.

AND VIRGINIA WENT TO OBAMA. You guys, OMG. Virginia has been Republican for the past ten elections or something like that, and it went to Obama. That says something. Part of it must be my baby brother finally eligible to vote, but there's something else there too. Virginia, adopted home, I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work.

Well, I've done my civic duty, wearing a Declaration of Independence t-shirt (signed by Zartram the Merciless, but nobody notices that) and reading David McCullough's biography of John Adams. If you reading this are an American citizen, eligible to vote, and haven't voted, go do so immediately. If you have voted, I congratulate you. If you aren't an American citizen or aren't eligible to vote, that's okay, I still love you. :D *uses icon for Civic Duty-ness and probable feelings of half the country by the end of the day*

Other things to do today: grad contract committee, shower, hang with Katie, read Emma, do my math homework, do my 19th-century-women homework, rehersal, NaNo, spend more time with the love of my life, try to finish one of the six million books I'm reading. X.X Going to explode.

Also should work on this scarf I'm making for my mother. Yes.

I am furious with my aunt and her inability to do basic quantitative reasoning. Yes, Auntie, 10% of wage-earners pay 50% of income tax. THAT IS BECAUSE THEY MAKE MORE MONEY IN A MINUTE THAN I'VE MADE IN THREE YEARS. They can spare the money. I and the other people who do not make a living wage cannot. I say the people who earn the assloads of money can fucking spare a dime or two to send their kids to school and see to it that the roads are maintained.

Also? Not all people politically left of Dick Cheney are traitors or homo-loving America-hating pinko commies.

I am so tempted to tell my father's family that I'm a lesbian, just to see whether she backpedals frantically or disowns me.

Things To Do
-catch up journals (1, 2, 3)
-journal for 10/26
-talk with Julie re: close-read
-read Madame Bovary
-read Mansfield Park (blah)
-response paper
-edit first response paper
-read Jane and the Unpleasantness at Scargrave Park
-adaptation paper
-watch Persuasion
-reread Persuasion
-adaptation paper
-critique stories (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
-read stories (1, 2, 3)
-response paper
-catch-up response papers (1, 2)
-story (14 copies)
-catch-up math homework (1, 2, 3, 4)
-scarf
-Copenhagen registration
-buy ticket for Copenhagen
-NaNo! Decide either Lynne/Gary or sprawling fantasy world of love.
-FAIRE
-Danish Residence Permit
-recheckout tent, etc.

Fannish Things To Do
-bossfight. Hellz yeah.
-post on WW
-Luccio app for WW (because she's cool)
-Newccio icon for FG
-First Doctor roundup post
-SJA overview post (all the cool kids are doing it)
-entice Elliot into Dresden Files Bwahahaha!
-entice Katie into Vorkosigan series Muahahaa!
-ficathon fic
-rewatch Second City, etc.
-Aral/Cordelia fic for first_seventhe
-Kyrie
-finish A Brother Is Born for Adversity part 2
-reread Barrayar
-finish fanmix(es, but esp. the Barrayar one)

Two questions for you guys!

1) An impromptu poll! Would you rather see a love story between a not-very-intrepid girl reporter and an English teacher with a fondness for Shakespeare's sonnets, or a sprawling fantasy epic involving kings, queens, princes and princesses, weird incestual undertones and a lot of people getting killed? Rest assured that both will get written at some point; it's just a question of what gets written now. For NaNo. You know.
Also, I'm considering writing about the not-very-intrepid girl reporter and her English teacher and their kids for a class. Because my Fiction II workshop got so pissed off at the number of unhappy marriages in our short stories that I vowed to write one about a happy marriage, dammit.

2) Can you guys remind me which of the Dresden Files TV episodes are shippy? I'm talking Harry/Murphy, natch. So far I've got Second City and Boone Identity, and the extended version of Storm Front. Yow.

Our room is full of flowers today. There's Sami's autumn assortment, and my irises (they're my favorite flower; always used to bloom around my birthday at home, so I've come to associate them with good times). There's also the glass ones on my little glass donkey that my mother sent me quite randomly, and the flowers on my fuzzy unicorn poster. Baby Krishna has no flowers this month, alas, but there are flowers on the prayer flags and flowers on the covers of half my books.

I really enjoy flowers. When I was growing up, we always had some in the house, usually on the kitchen counter. Sometimes they were flowers that my mother had grown in our garden, and sometimes they were something we picked up at the grocery store. I knew it was around my birthday when we had irises in the vase. My mother's birthday meant roses or carnations, and my father's meant bluebells. My brother usually liked snapdragons. Any time I had a play, there were tulips in the vase.

You could tell the seasons of the year by the flowers in our vases, too. Winter meant sunflowers, usually, or whatever was on sale in the store. Spring was the baby daffodils that sprang up in the woods behind our house. Summer was assortments, but there were always hyacinths and lilacs in there from the bushes on the front lawn. Autumn had honeysuckle and the tiny bluebells that never bloomed until late in the year. We would have crocuses in March and rhododendrons in April. It was such a lovely way to grow up.

I'm glad I have my irises. They make me smile.

1) Fingersmith? Is MADE OF AWESOME. It's by Sarah Waters, and if you have any interest in Victorian-esque literature, Dickens pastiches, or cons within cons within plots, read it. Such a fabulous book. And I'm only ten chapters in.

2) Mansfield Park? Made of not so much awesome. Figures my least favorite Austen book would be the longest. At least I'm sick enough to skip class today.

3) Math test was postponed to Friday. This is good; it means no homework over first weekend of Esco.

4) NaNo starts next Saturday. This is bad; it means writing all throughout second weekend of Esco.

5) LEGALLY BLONDE AND SPRING AWAKENING: I am going to go see them both. Fuck yeah. I just have to find the money to go to Legally Blonde and still, yanno, live in Copenhagen. I suppose that's what my savings account is for.

6) Got Irresistable Forces! Now all I need is Dreamweaver's Dilemma and whichever book the novella Borders of Infinity is in, and I'll have read all the Miles Vorkosigan material currently avaliable. Thank goodness Lois is writing a new one.

7) New SJA tonight! The new series is really quite fabulous. So far we've had an excellent goodbye for Maria, a Sontaran, a cool new girl and her wicked awesome family, and at least two incidents of "mess with her son and Sarah Jane Smith will fuck your shit up." I'm looking forward to the Brig and to more Mama Bear incidents.

8) I miss my daddy. I want to go home and see him. :( Just over five weeks until Thanksgiving and I will see him then. I really should buy my ticket home.

9) Finally got Confidence started again. Let's see if I can get it finished before NaNo starts again!

10) Hallowe'en ficathon story is about half-plotted. Pris, I may need to babble at you about it on Tuesday. There's some plot snarls I'm trying to work out.

11) Five days until Esco! This means guild-family, possibly including Opa (I hope so, I miss Opa and he makes me miss my daddy less), Vlad (\o/), learning to kick ass (thank you, Black Guard), ponies, and incestuous camp of love and doom. It also means Runt and the Wilds, Evil Plans (tm), candy, knitting, and chilling with Katie. We are going to go to the Bawdy Juggler show since neither of us has seen it. Fun shall be ours!

12) Liz's scarf is about half done and twelve feet long. What have I gotten myself into...

Pris: I have class Monday night. Shall we say Tuesday at 6ish PST?

Katie: Likewise, Tuesday for that thing we talked about. I'll call you. ETA: Also, I have your crochet hook and am holding it for ransom. Bring hugs to my dorm room at midnight. Don't contact the police. ;)

El and Sarah: I'm going to call my mom tomorrow and check our Legally Blonde outing with her. I'll drop you an email when I know for sure.

Puck: I need to talk to you. Will you be on late Monday? I have class until nine PST. Is v. important. I need advice.

to-do
-read Fingersmith
-catch up journals (1, 2)
-journal for 9/19
-pick out Freud passage
-talk with Julie re: close-read
-read Mansfield Park
-choose book for paper
-response paper
-critique stories (1, 2, 3)
-read stories (1, 2, 3)
-response paper
-catch-up response paper
-story (14 copies)
-catch-up math homework (1, 2, 3, 4)
-read Wicked Lovely
-read Austen handout
-read The Brontes
-important thing
-shower
-scarf
-NaNo prep

1) Ursula Vernon is pissed, and with good reason.

My thoughts on the matter? I believe that no one should constrict or constrain an artist to produce something. This puts me at odds with the publishing industry, somewhat, in that they seem to believe they can contract people to produce a specific product, exactly to their outline (romance industry, I'm looking at you). This isn't completely constraining, though; a writer has to have a certain amount of enthusiasm for the project in order to contract to create it. Writing to prompts is also different, as a prompt will give you an opening, but will not tell you what to write.

On the other hand, I can sort of see where the email writer comes in. Not as regards Billy Collins, of course; he's one of my favorite poets and I find him very accessible. However, throughout my academic career, poetry has had to mean something, and it's usually a meaning completely opposite to what was given. This sort of analytic reading of poetry drives me batty. It implies that for a poem to be a "good" poem, it must be either entirely metaphorical or entirely inaccessible (T. S. Eliot, the Wasteland, I'm looking at you!). Now, most poets don't believe this. See, Billy Collins, Paul Zarzyski, even T. S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. Academics, though, certainly do.

Newsflash, academics: just because something's fun to read doesn't mean it's automatically trash.

So it seems to me that this is more a problem of how we read than of how we write. If we cannot enjoy something, we tend to say that it sucks and throw it away. Okay, fine, whatever, you're not constraining the author at all, you're simply exercising your right as the audience to ignore them. However, when you then say that because you don't like it, nobody else can because it's trash, and the author must immediately change their ways, then it becomes a problem.

2) Sherwood Smith, on writing and memory

For me, the books that bring back my childhood most clearly are The Neverending Story, the Hobbit, and Tamora Pierce, most especially her Alanna series. I can remember sitting on my bed, curled up around my teddy bear, reading with absolute amazement. The idea that somewhere there were people that dreamed just like me was such an irresistable one. I remember being absolutely stunned that people could dream like that, the same way I did. Up until then, I thought I was alone. I think that's when words became my friends. The Neverending Story in particular made me feel as if I could quite happily spend the rest of my life stuck in a book.

I've never lost that feeling, not really. You may have noticed. :D

So! Point-by-point analysis.

1) He sent me a love letter. A period-appropriate love letter (well, apart from being printed). That used "thee" and "thou" correctly, do you know how rare that is? That mentioned the color of my eyes. I'm actually really impressed that he knows what color my eyes are. Most people don't get them right, 'cause they never actually look, and then they guess brown or hazel, or on one memorable occasion, purple (wtf?) (they're blue, FYI). And he sent it via the queen's household. *flails with glee* I'm keeping him. I'm so keeping him. Also, I am getting this framed, no, seriously, Steph offered to buy me a frame since I am poor and can't afford one. So keeping him. Da, I want that one. *flails some more*

2) Love is in the air at Faire. Liz and Taylor had their first anniversary and two members of my guild who shall remain nameless for the moment hooked up. Also, Annoying Boy is still attempting to get into another member's pants, by proxy. It would be entertaining if he wasn't so annoying. There were dramatic readings of my letter, swooning drills, and many cupcakes and sweet things. It was nice.

3) The queen got extremely drunk on her guild shopping trip and made me laugh so hard I got a headache. I hasten to point out that the lady who plays the queen was not, in fact, drunk, she was merely acting. She was, however, doing an awesome job at it.

4) Didn't buy anything this Faire (I know, omg!) but Katie, I did get the info of the people with the carved stone horses. They did not have any foxes, but they said they'd call up the guy who makes them and see if he has a website or something where you could order one. I'll give you the info when we meet up again.

5) Speaking of cupcakes, Mikey has taken to calling me "cupcake." I am... slightly confused, but not all that embarrassed, since it probably just means that he can't actually remember my name as opposed to anything more raunchy. Also, there were tons and tons of sweet things this Faire. There was Vlad II the Love Dragon cake, the cupcake-cake, the assloads of Pixi Stix that Steph picked up, the Jolly Ranchers, the Smarties, yeah. I spent pretty much all of Faire either on a sugar-high or crashing. Also, Patch made his Patch Potatoes of Love and Glee. It was a good weekend for food.

6) I am so behind in school. Ah, well, I have no classes tomorrow. I shall catch up then. Wish me luck.

7) ANOTHER FLOOR MEETING TONIGHT OH MY GOD. This is the third in five days. DO NOT WANT.

8) Things To Do:
-clean room (blaaaaagh my side of the room looks awful, my poor roommate)
-wash the blood out of my nice pink pajamas
-wash the rest of my clothes
-clean, sort and put away Faire things
-CATCH UP AUGH (four math homeworks, three JA short papers, two 19th century women journals and assorted readings)
-fall break, yeeee!
-check library record, renew stuffs
-drink more tea
-email Justin (so keeping him)
-rehersal
-survive floor meetings etc.

Huzzah! It has gone well.

1) Prob/Stat. Downsides: it's at 9:30 AM and across campus, so I can't get up my usual five minutes before class and make it; it's math. Upsides: the professor is wicked awesome, funny and intelligent; it actually looks to be interesting math. The textbook has also been recently updated, so there's actual relevant data in the book (including stuff about Katrina and fradulent cell phone usage). I've just finished my homework for the first day, so it doesn't even seem like it'll be time-consumingly hard. An excellent choice.

2) Jane Austen in Context. I cannot say enough good about this class. We're reading all the novels (with Persuasion, my favorite, last, so that's something to look forward to), the professor knows her stuff and is really splendidly nice, we're all addressing each other as Miss Insert-Last-Name-Here (or Mr, but there's only one of him, or Dr, only one of her, or Mrs, likewise). We're not just reading Jane Austen, either, we're also reading contextual stuff, poems and novels that she mentions, and background information on her times. Also, we're watching Regency House Party and Clueless IN CLASS. And writing papers on Austen adaptations. And one of the options for the final paper is to write an imitation of Austen's novels. And I've got three friends in the class already and will probably make more. And the teacher lent me her copy of The Mysteries of Udolpho, which is a delightfully trashy book from Austen's time. And she complimented me on being aware of Tristram Shandy. ASGJSNGU *flail with awesome*

Tomorrow! Fiction Writing II in the afternoon. Here's hoping it goes even half as well as today.

1) I have new headphones! The old ones fell apart in my ear. It was most distressing. Fortunately, they were still under warranty and the nice guy at the Apple store took my word for it, so I have new ones for free! *cuddles new headphones* I also had a fun conversation with him.

Me: Hi. My headphones fell apart. It is most distressing.
Guy: Whoa. They really did. Well, let me take a look and see why they fell apart.
Me: I did nothing unusual to them. I was only listening to music and they fell apart.
Guy: Would you raise your right hand and repeat that?
Me: Sure, but I haven't got a Bible, just Oscar Wilde.
Guy: Close enough!

2) Speaking of Oscar Wilde, I am reading some of his plays. I just got through Salome (very strange, not at all like Wilde's usual tongue-in-cheek humor. Has some lovely language, though, and it must be pretty visually stunning) and The Importance of Being Earnest (one of my favorite plays ever and always worth a reread), and am currently in the middle of Lady Windermere's Fan. I'm also reading Mary Called Magdelane, another of Margaret George's bricks; Predators, Prey and Other Kinfolk, a memoir of growing up in a polygamist family; and The Serpent's Shadow. If I continue reading books at this rate, my books-read list for July will move into three pages. New record.

3) Got more work done on Glass. I think this seperating it out into different POV files and writing it that way is extremely helpful. I may have to give up my flashbacks from Gabi's POV idea, but we'll see how the rest of them turn out. I may rewrite them from Lionel's POV to leave them in. I've decided that, because Gabi is at the center of everything, I should maybe leave her a bit of a mystery. After all, her nonresponsiveness or her simple absence is a huge part of all the plots. So, I shall discuss with my co-author and we shall see.

4) Deposited my paycheck. YAY MONEY.

5) I kind of want to cosplay as Sarah Jane Smith. I may even just put a costume together and be her for Halloween. 'Cause, well, she's awesome, and I think her waistcoat-and-shirt look would be really flattering to my figure. Plus, I want those boots. Well, who doesn't?

6) I have been falling behind on my RPing lately and I do not know why. It's like I sit down to do it and my brain goes "HA no. Fuck off down the model village." Then I am confused as to why my brain is quoting Hot Fuzz out of context when all I want to do is knock off a decent post so my RPing partners don't hate me. V. sad. Please be understanding.

7) I am dying for lack of fluff. I've been writing Kyrie and Glass and Glass's prequel lately, all the angsty bits with people dancing around things they don't want to say, and I just want to read something silly and sweet and fluffy, goddamnit. It probably doesn't help that all the active relationships in my RPs are a) in the awkward morning-after stage, b) in the awkward holy-shit-did-I-really-just-say-that stage, c) both a and b, d) in the awkward goddamnit-do-I-have-to-tattoo-it-on-my-forehead stage, or e) in the awkward I-really-like-you-but-this-can't-work-for-outside-reasons-so-I'll-just-keep-my-mouth-shut stage. I want to read or write something where people are in love, full stop. Can someone prompt me, please? Any fandom I'm familiar with except Avatar, or original.

8) Speaking of prompts! Is anyone interested in an X-files/Doctor Who oneshot? I've had one percolating, and I have a beta on the line, but I don't know if anyone would be interested in reading something with Six and Samantha. Other possibilities include finally finishing my gorram Christmas fics (July is a new record), finishing up my Mulder/Scully fanmix (I think I need to see the movie again first), trying my hand at that one NaNo novel again, finishing and then rewriting Confidence (or maybe I could just skip to the rewrite?), or just watching Doctor Who until my brain liquifies. That last option is looking better all the time.

It was pointed out to me today that I have a nickname for every single horse in my stables. So, for your edification and entertainment, some of the more colorful ones:

Crouching Moron Hidden Batshit, Psychopath, Alfeazle or just Feazle, Li'l Thang I, II, and III, Bitchpony, Bratpony, Grand Old Lady (this mare's nickname varies between that and "Evelyn," actually; Sixth Doctor fans will know why), Fuzzyface, Mr. Nibbles, Loverboy, Babydoll, Ladybird, Boo, Theney-Boo, Pickadiddle, Trubs, Dinosaur, General Lee (or "Richard Henry Lee," depending on whether I've watched Gettysburg or 1776 more recently), Big'n'Dumb, Qubert, Uglyface, Spaztastic, Hanky Panky (also occasionally known as "Grand Pimpmaster" and "Iroh"), and You Bastard.

I love my job.

If this goes into law, just when I finally got on birth control, I am going to climb over the counter and strangle the first pharmacist to deny me my legally-proscribed medication for cripplingly intense pain, you motherfuckers. Then I am going to HHS and explaining to everyone there in pointed detail just what happens to my body when I am not on birth control, complete with practical demonstrations. With a corkscrew and a hammer. And probably a lot of needles.

Any suggestions, ladies?
(Seriously, write to your Congressional representatives and get this wiped off the books for all eternity. Fuckers.)

I hate this time of month. Either I'm in so much pain that I can't function (and can't eat due to nausea because it hurts so much; that's a charming new development), or I'm dizzy and flaky from the medication that keeps the pain away, and can't function. I swear to God, if they make me jump through one more hoop to get on birth control, I am going to break down in tears.

I HAS A BETA READER FOR ORIGINAL SHITE.

Katie, welcome to the illustrious company that includes Priscellie, she of the Awesome, eponymous_rose, she of the Equally Awesome and Separated From Pris At Birth (trufax), and awanderingbard, who is--you guessed it--of the Awesome, though not separated from Pris and Rose at birth.

You lot, make Katie comfortable. We love her and hope that she will stay a while.

BETA READER. FR SRS. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So today I found myself really, really mad at my parents again for something I thought I'd long since forgiven them for.

( Whole messy story behind the cut, involves their divorce )

So I guess my question is does this sound weird? Am I justified in being angry this long after the fact? Or am I just irrevocably screwed up in the head?

Just an update to prove that I live.
I've got half my to-do list done, and none of my classes completely finished, though Nonfiction Writing Workshop should be finished by the end of today, and Proudian by Monday. My accounts with Outdoor Adventures are settled. I'm attempting to sort out a kerfuffle that may deprive me of housing for May Term, which I sure as hell hope will get sorted, because otherwise I'll get booted from the Proudian program and that would suck.
Faire was awesome, apart from trading Captain Skeezypants for Skeevy Bedtime Story Guy (ask me if you must know). We got the queen to break character, had shaved ice, watched bellydancers, got money, had good times. Yeah. It was pretty nice.
My players on FG are awesometastic people and kept going. <33333333 Keep up the win, my lovelies!
Um... that's it. I'm going to dive back into work now.

Dear Self:

LOLWHUT.

You barely have time to do the stuff you have to get done and still have time to do stuff (like writing and reading and running FG) that, oh, keeps you sane. So what the hell is this sudden longing to do a WW sidestory about? You don't even have a story in mind! Seb and Vi are off-limits because you don't need Seb's particular brand of crazy right now, ditto Murph, ditto Patrick. Anything interesting involving Alex would probably involve Alex getting hurt, and you don't need the murderin'. Gabs is fine where she is, so is Jen. Tabby has nothing fun going on, likewise Chelsea. James needs to concentrate on not getting killed, ditto Eva. Scott and Eden don't need romance-novel-esque scenes (trust me, no one wants to read it). We're not even going to touch Theo.

...I suppose we could have Ted and Alicia, or just plan out Ted getting to the Arx (or maybe even writing up a profile for him sometime, gasp). Or profiling Pippa, or finishing up that story about her. But! Not now.

AND NO APPING LUCCIO OR MAGGIE. NO. BAD MIND. DO NOT NEED NEW CHARACTERS. Especially not on FG, ye gods. Grow up. Also, Maggie is D-E-D dead. Apping her will not be productive in anyone's minds. Especially as she has no Malcolm. A Maggie without a Malcolm is a sad Maggie. You don't want a sad Maggie in your head, now do you? You're having enough problems with mopey!crampy!scared Maggie.

Remember, self, now is the time for the studyings, not the time for the procrastinatings. That's what Faire is for.

Convinced-you're-on-crack-love,
Yourself


Dear Darling Friends:

If you encourage me, I will end you.

Hugs and kisses!
Me